Hatred angry pissed.....
:((

Life sux...
helpless useless dumbass....

nv ever gonna reached that destination... long Journey ......

没事是假的。。
心痛是真的。。。

无奈是借口。。
无能是事实。。。

真的很失败。。。

Labels: 恨

Tireddddddddd......
Shit me... No time le...

Kays got to focus!!

Anw.... I finally got myself iPhone white:) Hahas
actually was considering between blackberry or iPhone, but decided to get iPhone.
One reason is becoz i want to have a touch screen phone, adding on, I always wanted iPhone ear piece! Hahaha!! I Noe it's super lame, y don't I buy just the ear piece right? Becoz ..... I feel tat it's super waste of $ to just buy their ear piece:D
lastly.. I choose iPhone so that I can play bowling in MRT and throw my iPhone out of the cabin just like those kuku shown in YouTube! ;D lolxx

weird ..
Ytd I'm super impaitent to bring home my new iPhone.
But just now when collecting my phone, I don't feel as excited as I do compared to ytd.
hahas I think I'm too used to playing with itouch till I'm bored of iPhone .. lolx!

Hmmm actually White iPhone looks cool too ;D
with a blue transparent casing, totally awesome HAhAhA!!!! Lovesss hee :)

Labels: I phone you

I'm trying to find back myself...

but its been too deep that i lost it somewhere..
and its been too long that i lost track of where it goes.

I'm so used to how i am now.. that i forgotten about my origin self.

i kind of contradict myself...
being so lost can be a fantasy
but being conscious is an agony

i know this isn't real. never will it become real.. all these while.. its just my imagination.
having it been part of my life should it be said as a blessing one? or it is actually an obstacle in my life? sigh.. i'm so cock up with what and who i am now.

its not that i don't want to be what i'm supposed to be. but whatever I'm doing can be too over and scary. i tend to have this "weird" character in me.

whenever I'm concerning about u, i will over do it. it become so important to me that i won't want to miss out anything. i will plan thoughtfully and want to give the perfect care. it can be too perfect that it makes ppl think i'm crazy. if i know i failed to make any surprise possible, not having the fullest satisfaction, i will be pissed with myself..
always having a back up plan if anything goes wrong. sometimes.. if i cant think of any idea. I'm best not to be irritated because i will blow up anytime. but when i found what i want.. and i'm satisfied with what i had come out with, i will be in that delighted and pleased mood.

I'm also used to checking out on you till i feel i'm like a pervert. arggg... damn shitty feelings. why do i have to keep looking out on you to make sure u are doing good, doing well..
and if happen to see someone who wants to go near u.. i will dislike that person. esp.... stranger GUYS! seriously.. hate them to the core... sorry. but i will!

I'm so insane until I'm quite afraid of myself at times.

is this me? all these while this is what i am doing. i lose the right perspective of my life le. did i?

Labels: dntbeemohwan

2010 Chinese New Year........

its so boring ... hahahas.
why say so..

damn bad timing?!
it falls before my exams.. sighhh some more not enough time to really study for all the 3 papers. sighhh... damn siannnn! want to play hard also have to consider of my revision. booooooos!

anw... my chu yi and chu er.. is forever the same.. go to uncle, aunty hs and bai nian... like even angbao oso the same amt HAHAHS... other den this year having more ang baos from da gor gor, da jie jie who just got married last year ;)) still every year is the same routine.. so boreddd!
sad to say.... my dad side very little cousins... we always cant find enough"Leg" for mahjong! =S angryyy~
as for my mum side... is TOOOo many relatives... until we always cant meet up together as we will go to different uncle, auntie hs at different timing. sighhh! plus.... mum's side cousins i'm not that close. seldom talk oso....
more sad case..... usually my secondary sch classmates will meet up at Mr tan hs... we still get to play pokers.... had some fun.. chit chat.. n so on... but!!!! this year very little ppl going.. so i'm not tagging along. well... i guess as we get older each year... we will find New Year is getting more and more boring... agree??

*One of my Yi Ma said.... i changed until she don't recognised me le. hmmm got so kua zhang? hahahaas she says i become whiter? UH..... i agree la.. so long nv sun tan... i wan go sentosa!!!!!!!!! she also say my hair become so style... not like the past so noob. -.-! lastly.... she said something which i don't agree! she added..." now see you like more miao tiao." o.O??! i think she nothing to say so anyhow hamtam!...HAHAHAS i where got miao tiao! so fat... so straight! HAHAHAS anyhow only.

its time to go suntan! i still prefer my tan tan colour.. got to go jog out under the sun le.. no more running on track mail le. or else.... i will become a Bai zhan Ji.... HAHAHS

alright.. i'm getting tired le. going to 4am! i'm still here.. godness...
silly .. wake up in the middle of the night and decided to try luck and gave me a call? HAHAs that was really cool. hope you are sleeping soundly right now.

2nd call...
totally shocked! sigh.... =( why cant i be there to pat you and make sure u slp soundly? feel so helplesssss. sorry girl.. hope ur nightmare will go off and not come back again ok. :))

nights its time for me to turn in le....i wish everyone on this Earth will have the Sweetest Dreams tonite (: sleep tight.

Labels: slp tight....

finally!

end of Market War....

every year is about the same... however this year i see myself putting 99% in helping out. one reason is becoz there's a shortage of helpers.. another reason is becoz i see mum n dad putting their 99.9% in preparing everything.. feel like doing my best to help them too. :)

with that, i got 2 sleepless night and continuously of up selling our delicious and yummy items. HAHAS
its non-stop selling until we get our short 1 or 2 hours break and back to market again. its an overnight NIGHT MARKET :)
although i'm super tired and got myself body aches, yet i'm happy :) seeing my whole family working together... *except jie.. not in spore*
but still i see the united power in us working together to fight this war. having this same goal of selling and promoting to our customers, we made it till the end! hahas like finally!!!!

just finished packing my house and i think i will get a nap before.........i step into a NEW YEAR! :))
YEAR OF TIGER! hope it will be a good year ahead!

XIN NIAN KUAI LE!

Labels: happy new year

out of no where.. i tot of drawing again.. hahas since Valentine day is 2 days later.... i anyhow drew out this cartoon hahas.. wish all couple have their sweetest Vday this year :))

i personally like the boy looks. looked so smart hee.... some more.. he looked so sincere! nice nice.. hee

alright.. i have to say good nite le...... 2 hours later have to wake up... uhhhhhhhhhhhh......... all the way till sat morning... =/

jiayouJIAYOU~ hahas lai arhhhh yong tau fu! laiiii arhhhh.. steamboat's ingredients~ lai arhhh laiii arhhhh!!!! bao yu ... yu chi....!!! hahahahahahas
lai arhhh!!~ buy ALL get ALL free! HAHAHAHS

ciaooo!~

happy advance Valentine Day... and 新年快乐~:)

y am i always feeling tired... tired tireddd tireddddd! argggg... restless me. sigh.

today 10 feb 2010, i got myself a life long cert! :)

passed my PDT. yeahh.... :))

excitement last me for an hour or two.. hahas.. however.. mum was super hyper when she heard i passed PDT. hahas..she goes like....." UHHH!!! passed le arh!? ni pass driving le???!!! wahhhh! " my mum so cute. ;D

finally i dnt ned to spent my allowance on driving practical le... phewww... got a big hole in my pocket for the past 3 months... nxt month onwards.. i shall make my money grow money... HAHAHA~


still Haven't start my revision.. awww... feel so stress... afraid i don't have time to study uh. sigh... new year is coming yet i still don't have the mood..... feel very restless n tired recently.. yawn*



s

i

g

h

.

.

.

going bed soon.........

nxt 2 two will be war for me and my family~ chiongggg arhhhhh!!!!! market war :))

Labels: a new cert added (:

slpt for hours.... but i'm still feeling tired...

had a dream just now...

i dreamt of my cousin got married. he issnt feeling happy about it... like kind of being forced... hmmm... and we attended his wedding dinner. the set up of the wedding layout is quite unique. not round table.. but rectangle. i dont know why.. the ppl who came, is a combination of my friends and my relatives.

hahas.. i don't know why.. i dreamt of the people who i think of this afternoon. my aunt, my cousin... and frens.... lolx.. i think i'm too tired today.

PDT tml.................................... good luck to me... :) i shall turn in early again.. hahas when i just woke up about 3 hours ago... :x

pain..

tired..

good nite...

arggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg.............. :(

afraid.. confused.. and Why????

i don't know what is with me...
or issit god's plan?

always at the end of one education.. for example, ending of primary school, ending of secondary... and even now. ending of poly.. i will lose something. don't want to elaborate more on what it is.. but i kind of seeing the routine repeating again n again... :(
getting more and more prepared each time it happens.. be it after Uni.. be it 5 years or 10 years down the road... I'm prepared.

why?? why must i lose ....... . its so hurtful.. things will tend to change after losing ..... .
its no longer the same.. everything will become memories.. everything will be kept as a past.. i really hope this time round it isn't gonna be the same like all my past. =(

I'm so vex.. what is next? what is going to happen? what should i do? i really don't know.. instead... i just know i have to keep myself busy... until the day I'm tired out... until i fall ill... until i found my goal in my life....

i really got to thanks this period of Chinese New Year... it just keep me busy from day till night...
i kind of enjoy this weekend.. without a com.. without fb-ing.. without starring into the space.. I'm busy... I'm preoccupied.... so great~

busy is the only way to keep my mind numb..

Labels: routine

sigh... i dntnoe whatever I'm doing issit right.

i give myself chance to forgive.. but.. it seems like i haven't overcome my own anger and sadness. ;((

i feel shitty.

right now is my study weeks.. haiz.. yet new year is just next week... i doubt i will be enjoying my new year... i think i will be staying home to hug and kiss my notes..... so siann.

i know i have been thinking of what i should do after grad.. but still whenever i got myself to think again!!!~ i will feel so helpless... where should i go? what should i do??? omgg... damn siannnnn.

S-I-G-H... hahahaas.. this four letters make me wanna laugh.. LOLXx... since when i become a sigh girl.. HAHAHAHS
ok.. anw.. still no mood to laugh at myself.. I'm an idiot tooo! freakkk.. cant i have some responsibility toward my working attitude? i put plane again... uhhhh.... feel super bad. but i oso scared to call in to apologise. dumb de me... sigh
tml working.. i think i'll have to get myself ready to face the music....~~~

recently due to Chinese new year... mama n dad kind of putting in their very best to up sell all their goods.. i see le i oso wanna help them.. but with my stupid mood swing character.. i keep giving them attitude when going market to help out. right now.. i shld help them with those packing and stuff... but i'm here blogging... i feel like slapping myself.. make them so tired.. yet i still... uhhh...
bt i super no mood to do things uh.. like rotten me.~
ytd went club with shilin,kaisin n frens.. well at 1st was not in the mood to go.. but it always turn out differently when i step in the club! :))) feel like another me le. HAHAHAHS
hope shilin enjoyed herself.. and i saw a super crazy kaisin last nite... OHHHHH HAd Fun uh! hahas.. :)
picture upload soon. stay tune~

ok la.. super vex... wanna go jog le.. destresssssssssssssssssssssss..... sighhhhh~

what is right and what is wrong?

now I'm confused..

my mind is not working.. don't feel like caring.. but i know this is very selfish and irresponsible.

sorry.. i don't know what to do to help.. (shilin)
sorry.. i don't know i will make u feel uncomfortable.. (beat)


i mean.. all this happened.. which i don't know issit becoz of me.. i tot i was just being a friend to be a good listener. i tot everything was just that simple.. i admit.. i was too harsh that day.. i seriously don't mean it.. i was too fed up with my sch stuff, my own problem.. and at the same time.. i tot i was supposed to be there to cool down the confusion between both...


i'm sorry ... i forgot exactly what i had sent u that night.. i rmb i was pissed n saying it in a very harsh tone. sorry... actually i don't know what i was saying too. my mind had too many things. being worry for my project... at the same time I'm upset with someone... haiz.. it my bday.. yet.... :( sighh..
but i tot maybe i can help both of you by letting u two meet up.. and talk... sorry...i just simply wish u all will come tgt n talk.. i'm supposed to go home after i let ur meet up.. but i see both of you not talking.. i feel is my fault to pull ur out.. sorry.. shld have let ur decide wat ur want. sigh..

being so not stable to handle my own stuff.. and not knowing what u 2 want.. i made a very rush act. and said things that hurts. I'm so messed up until i didn't think about how you feel. i'm really sorry... haiz.. i kind of regret what i had said to u. though i wanted to just keep u reminded that there shouldn't be a third party when things aren't settle down. that's what i just wanna tell u... i hope you understand.. i clearly know you wasn't having that intention.. but just a reminder that history wont repeat.. coz it hurts and ppl will just think that you are bastard. u understand where I'm coming from? i don't want to stop you from making new frens.. i know its nice to make new fren. bt just happen... it came in the wrong timing again.. sigh...

i mention i side sl.. coz i somehow not knowing what you are doing. i am at wrong as i never ask you properly before saying its your fault. but i just feel that we got to face it and settle everything before we move on. don't cold war le.. den let it go just like that.. like very irresponsible. u understand what i mean?

i can be wrong .. coz i'm not you.. i might not understand how you feel. though i always hear u out.. bt you know yourself better... you can feel extremely pain n hurt... but i can only hear ur pain.. i don't feel it.. u understand what i mean? i'm sorry... i wish no matter what.. we are still that best bud? i feel bad.. i feel sad.. as well as i feel xinku.. when i see you not talking to me like the usual you. i even have such thinking... "should i not talk to shilin.." to let you feel better? but thats not the right way... coz sl just simply want someone to talk to.. and.. i feel pity for her when she have to be alone in sch.. and not having anyone to talk to about her matter... you know that too right?...
however... if you really have this fear.. not having the fullest trust on me.. then.. maybe the both of us shall keep a distance.. i will also not meet sl to ensure you we are just frens... beat.. i don't wish this is what you want too. but... if you aren't sure of urself.. den i will not interfere both of you. let you be alone for awhile den. sorry beat..



as for sl.. i'm sorry too.

i can only be a listening ear.. i'm not good at speaking.. i cannot really speak properly about how i feel when i want to explain something... i will say it till i even contradict myself. haiz..sorry.. i simply hope you can keep calm and stop tearing.. i know u are lost and oso don't know what to do.. but right now... maybe awaiting shall be the best solution... don't be too rush to do anything ok.. sometimes it might just make it worst. i hope whats going to happen is what u wish for. =) jiayou.. and pls!... do eat.. i know u feel like vomiting when u smell food. but if u don't start eating a little... it will get worst! try to eat porridge or soupy stuff..

be strong.. stay cool.. just like how u always tell me to stay happy...... ok!
i know beat still have you dearly in her heart.. not to mention.. this is the 1st time i see her giving her everything into such relationship.. really... i envy your... i hope your will come out with the best solution. i don't wish to interfere le..

"feeling pain in my heart..." I'm sorry to both... i hope we are still friends after all...

Labels: sorry

i love my blog! :)

i love that banner..
i love my little boy...
i love to draw stickMan (:
every line changes a sitckman expression, action and even its posture. its so COoL~

i Love drawingggg~
it kills my boredness and keeps me smiling. (:

searching for interesting activities out there !!! any idea what's so great that i can enjoy and learn at the same time? hee... explore explore explore........... !!!!

Labels: smile smile smileeey

Friday nite~ Fish & Co.
want to thanks these peeps! they make my day. (:

thanks for the plan... .............






//20th birthday...

well.. seriously i pity myself that my birthday falls on such hectic period.
its all over submission and projects.. all are fcuking busy and vex about projects.. hahas what i can say is... i don't have a single mood for celebration or even eating my favourite -bday Cake-! sigh........

thanks to all of my friends who wishes me HAPPY BIRTHDAY! reallly.. its so nice to recieve such msg when i'm issn't expecting much for my bday.. yet so many ppl actually care to just simply tag my on facebook and gives their best wishes..:) so nice..

anw... of cos there's still very nice people like BEATRICE LEE KAISIN.. TAN SHILIN- GOH ZHENG YANG! AND OF COZ NOT FORGETING... CJX! HAHAS
they made mine 20th a special one. =)

thanks! i noe i cannot be surprised.. coz i always broke the plan. but i really try not to noe what ur wanna give me. hee sorry... i really appreciate all the things ur plan n got for me..! esp!!!!! the present! lol ur manged to bluff me that its a bed sheet! and i really tot its bedsheet! hee xie xie!
i like the present! i love the ice-cream cake! of coz.... i enjoyed the dinner with u guys @ fish & Co. =)) thankkks a million n billion timesss~

goh zheng Yang!!! u are the one i'm super shocked to see @ fish & Co. hahas
din expect u to join us too.. hee thank you! i want to thanks you for helping me a lot recently.... esp my project! thankkkkkssss... make u have to see those Java codes again when u don't need to. :D also... u rmb! u helped me to send my lappy for service!!?? during my IPP omg.. i wanted to treat u yet... i always forgot abt it....! this time round.. i will make sure i got u a meal or something alright! =) really thank you!

beat,kaisin and sl! u all are always the best!
sigh..I'm really very fortunate to have you ppl ard me.. never fail to make me realise i'm always having your by my side to cheer me up.. console me.. listen to me... etc..... wo zhen de heng gan dong! (: ai si ni meng le. hee thank you..!

lastly.. thanks CJX! u nv forget what i always wanted! a handmade bday card!! hee... i noe u couldn't make it last yr as u were at France... bt this yr u did a really nice n cute bday card for me! some more.... u came all the way to my hs n leave it outside my shoe rack.. (: so sweet la.. haiz i got a real surprise for this one. (: xie xie..

Labels: shen ri kuai le..

Happy birthday to me~ (:

thanks CJX..just after i bath... i saw ur SMS.. i saw ur letter.. n i saw ur BIRTHDAY CARD outside my door :)) really surprised me. thanks so much....

Labels: 20 le