vivian Tan =))

2011-06-06T23:59:00.000+08:00

I was wrong to let you walk right out
of my life,
I was dumb to think that I could survive,
Was a fool to think the grass was
greener on the other side,
Now it hurts to know that it means
that I...

[Chorus]
I'll never love again (Never Never)
I'll never love again (Never Never)
I'll never love again (Never Never)
I'll never love again (Never Never)
I'll never find nobody who can love
me like you do
I'll never find nobody to treat me
the way you do,
I'll never find nobody else babe, hey
I'll never fall in love again eh,
I was stupid to think that any love
could compare,
To the love that you gave to me
from you,
Was a fool, yes a fool to think that
I'd find anywhere,
Anyone thats better for me than you...

[Chorus (Repeat Above)]

And now my heart is stone cold
because you've gone, gone away,
(away) gone away, (away)
And now my heart is stone cold
because you've gone, gone away,
(away) gone away, (away)
And now my heart is stone cold
because you've gone, gone away,
(away) gone away, (away)
And now my heart is stone cold
because you've gone, gone away,
(away) gone away, (away)
Gone away. [Echo....]

[Chorus]

I'll never find nobody who can love
me like you do
I'll never find nobody to treat me
the way you do,
I'll never find nobody else babe, hey
I'll never fall in love again eh,..

2011-05-21T23:14:00.003+08:00

end may soon.

1 more month to go and I'm outta my "comfort zone". i don't know if that's really my comfort zone but i know i will have to start a new once end June arrives. time flies. i never thought sch so gonna start that soon! but like i say time flies~
whatever is coming will comes. whatever is done is done.

1 and a half years not reading or studying, i felt a little rusty in there. I'm also a little nervous to get myself back in school and attend lesson. sigh. i hope i can put in my best and not give up in anyway.

life become kinda meaningless when everything calms down. haha i always want a simple life but actually that is not exciting at all. you won't feel the extreme kinda feelings when you did or achieve something. there's only one advantage here, that is less stress less problems.

don't know why when all things had settled down, i missed those hectic life. i feel im wasting my youth, not exploring enough, not bringing myself to plan, to make life more happening!

21 now is already not a kid uh. this is really saddening. where are my future?! angsty* but no one to blame but myself. :(

my dream now is to turn back 20years. i wanna start a new. create a me that has confident and is knowledgeable.

well, said so much... nothing can be done anw. only to make a difference now and create a better future right? sigh.

hate to be myself when i don't know what i really want.

2011-04-18T01:24:00.002+08:00

hello hello!

i miss my blog..

think i should not abandon it and visit it as much as i could.

life is so boring when it is a repeated routine everyday. Haven't been spending time out to do some hard work. i think it is time to make a difference in my life! get some sweat and work like a buffalo! mooooo!

full time is good but boring. part time is good too... but since i am still young, why not go and chuang yi chuang. hehe try all kinda different job and make life more fruitful :D

well well.. school not yet confirm. but i sincerely wish that things will go on smoothly and not bump into any nails at any point of time now. get a life soon!

lets check this out.. 1 or 2 months later... i see a different me.. ohyeah

2011-02-08T01:31:00.002+08:00

I'm about to let my heart fly out of this Earth and stay put at Mars.should give a try and never come back.

i shall make new friends from Mars. & be a someone special there :D
have got new lifestyle, new friends, new environment.. so cool.
never gonna get back to such remorseful world again.

2011-01-22T03:37:00.004+08:00

I can't take it anymore somehow. I know i can't have anymore. I feel like I'm being abandon，but no.. Is all abt how useless I am. Fuck tell me wat is the right way to handle such things?!
My heart is being hurted deeper each day.G
Been thinking too much? Expect too much?
I just want it that way. Isnt it right? I hate it when my heart sank n im feel like shit. So hopeless. So loser:(

Ahhhh.. I kind of want to end my life after ny 21st. I want to give up everything in me. I dntnoe how to overcome it.. Best way is to die off. I seriously hate how I am! Fucking timid! Arhhhhhh fuck fuck:(

Can anyone pls let me die??

2011-01-02T01:26:00.003+08:00

2010 has became a past.
yet the new arrival of 2011 has just began.

2011....
someone pls tell me what's so good about 2011? i don't have good feelings for 2011 at all. sigh. and can someone pls tell me why i don't feel good neither do i feel it's a fresh new year. :(

actually... i kinda realized it's the things i've to face in 2011 that got me so restless. what to do?
sighhh....

心一再地痛时，那会是不如任何的疼痛。
泪水一再地留下时，那会是无法能够控制的。
那当你想起自己很无奈时，没有任何人是能够逗你开心。
除了那个的你

明天会更好。希望是如此。

2010-12-26T04:47:00.002+08:00

I hate my life.. I hate how I'm under control:( I hate how I need to live in such a restricted life.. I hate y I've to wake up so early every weekend! I hate y my wishes din come true! I hate how I have to face those consequence when i want to plan things on my weekends.. I hate the complain that we din help out.. I hate how much we do, ur still not satisfied! Coz its nv ending n nv enough! It hurts..
i hate this kind of life when I have got a big burden to consider before anything I want to do.. What is fair ?! Pls tell me.

2010-12-24T02:09:00.002+08:00

Christmas eve..

i wish that happiness will come to me :)

i wish my hard copy wish list will all come true. :( coz it kinda go missing... i don't know where it gone to. :(

Santa pls grant them all... i know its hard but may i wish for those wishes that are being covered up? :] pls... coz i really hope they are real and will happen on me one day. :)

of coz everything in my wish list are impt to me. so may i seek your kindness to fullfill them all :)

Santa... you are really nice and i thank you you for being such a nice Santa to all of us.

merry Christmas to you Santa and fellow people out there.:]

have a good merry X'mas and may all your wishes come true :)

2010-12-21T23:51:00.003+08:00

i feel fortunate to be who i am now.

but many a times being a human, we are never satisfiy with what we have now.

recently i've been thinking of what i want. what i wish and what i will become. wishes are easy to say yet it is not easy to fulfill.

im kinda tired with who i am now. i need and want to go for a long holiday! set me free~! pls.

2010-12-20T23:15:00.003+08:00

I'm so tired to even on my com n blog everything:(

I promise to write down my wish list here.. However in order to safe time.. I wrote it on a piece of paper. Shall post it up??

OMG stupid iPhone cannot upload photo on blogger??! Damn it...i've got to on my lappy -.-...

My Xmas wishes .... Rather it also my new year wishes....

adding on..

i wish for a toy camera, all different ranges are cool!

and i don't know why recently pots of flowers and plants do make my day! i thought it would be nice to receive beautiful pot of flowers and greeny plants! :))

i know many ppl say dream on... what kind of wish list i've got! but well... its my wishes! i'm really wishing for all these ma. is okay if you can't make it happen. i thought is the thoughts that counts :)

2010-12-13T02:23:00.006+08:00

sudden thoughts (:

"Are you feeling happy with such short ride around this little red dot island? and even though not many shops are open at such hours?"

"hmm yesh"

making someone happy is equivalence to making myself happy (: do think so?

why such thoughts? hmm well i guess cause not many a times people will ask such question and i kind of ask it and remembered it. (: so.. thought of sharing my thoughts here. :)

its nice to hear someone that likes what you've done or that agrees to what you have said. isnt it delighting? :)

bringing a simple mind and heading to anywhere that has pretty night lights and little chill out places, don't you feel its kind of perfect when everything is being carry out so smoothly without any plans? (:
well i thought just a simple tour around night streets can be very chillax-ing. ((:

i enjoy it quite much. (: thanks :)

2010-12-04T03:15:00.002+08:00

I hate how the way you are..

Sigh.. Kill me pls..

*** ****** I'm sorry.. I need to shout it out..

2010-12-03T00:03:00.002+08:00

giving your 100% doesnt mean you will get back a 100% in return.

sometimes i realized i put in too much at the end of the day i got back 70% it all depends on this word call miracle. its only this miracle that make things happen. life isnt easy at all..

2010-12-01T09:10:00.004+08:00

Woke up feeling lost and scared.. I don't know How I should bring myself to accept what I am now.. Everything changed and it's another adaption I need to adapt and start all over again..:((

I'm feeling lousy and down..

2010-11-30T09:19:00.001+08:00

i no longer brings a 100% hearted to work as i know i'm moving to another team and leaving my current desk. =(
new desk isn't comfortable. i don't feel happy despite having less work to do sigh.. its kinda boring now... :( no more excitement. No more busy life.. Sigh.
I'm so gonna hate going work le:((

2010-11-27T01:45:00.005+08:00

我总觉得人生真无趣：（

每天都过着平平凡凡的日子。。

期待着会有谁能带走我。。到一个新的世界，新的环境。没有烦恼没有过去。我很想从来。。

从新找回自我。

2010-11-24T09:23:00.004+08:00

I'm sorry.. I....
To be continue....

我不知道我因该说什么。只想说声谢谢你。xoxo..

2010-11-23T08:46:00.005+08:00

I don't like how the way you conclude everything.. I know everything wasn't intentionally but I never ask much if you realized.. Everything happen in there will end there. That was how I thought I could conclude everything that had happened..

I kinda not know how to show a happy front to people when I'm feeling troubled or down now.. I used to be a happy go lucky one and covered everything as if I'm fine.. but what happened to me now? My Emo shit can't be hidden:( I'm so affected.

What can distract me now? I'm searching still.. Pls lead me to somewhere else.

2010-11-21T06:01:00.007+08:00

I don't Noe why I'm so furious.. I just need to know what the hell are those guys doing.. Fucking attention seeker? For what use??! Can earn a living? OR technically trying to hook girls and fuck them all? Or are they bloody so pathetic that they need to show off they bloody FUCK FACE so they will LEVEL UP their fame?? Fuck them seriously.. they are good for nothing except Act one wu seh. Indeed THEY HAVE GOT NOTHING TO SHOW OFF.. how sad.. Puck!

Guys...Please spare the ladies some face..You guys just fucking need some life! Pls don't fucking think that girls around are all THE SAME! Fucking go and wash ur eyeballs! It's fucking flooded with your sperms! u assholes! Get it?!

If you guys don't even know the rules to be in a match, pls bloody memorize it before you go and challenge others up! What an irresponsible act to be unhappy about and then start those nonsensical arguement! Childish! And you! Bare in mind that YOU all wanted to join in the 1st place. Blame no one but YOU all! Shuck!

I hate it....!!!!!
I'm still so agitated. I don't like it though.. But I can't help myself to feel angry.. I feel like telling you.. U really suck being a girl. Why bother when you know he actually can handle things himself.. Need not a girl to show up n stop anything nor BEG him. Totally a loser being a girl >:( you know??? Ahhhhhh.. Asshole guys! Fuck offfffff my sight!

Being a guy really will win everything from a girl? So unfair..!! Why???! I seriously hate how this world has this fucking bias logic that girls will lose to guys! Never ever will I feel that way! You guys just suck!

2010-11-17T17:04:00.005+08:00

have a break have a kit kat.

today is a public holiday! together with the nice cooling weather somehow i feel im back to schooling old days where im home watching TV and lazing around. i miss those days but not to the extend that i will want to stay home and do nothing. oh well.... im kinda contridicting myself...

simple in words, i just want some time for myself. my way of relaxing can be as simple as laying on bed and stare... dream... stone... weird? is it? uhhh.... not really i thought. :)

24hours a day seriously isn't enough for me.
like i spent half of my day relaxing and if my other half is spend with my family, where else can i find time for my friends and outings :( its hard to accommodate everything in one.

i realised I'm getting slacker recently. i cant put myself on a running track mail for more than an hour. is either i haven't have enough time for it or i will be so beaten to even step up for a slow jog. sigh
never stop looking out for a long holiday where i can rest enough play hard as well as train fit :)

likewise I'm still awaiting for a relaxing getaway. please let it happen sooner or later. I'm desperate for it.

2010-11-04T09:16:00.002+08:00

Want to be simple yet extraordinary.

Life is never ending of thoughts. I once thought I will stop at a point and live that life forever. Seems like it's not that case. We are forever changing n adapting. Is this what we call life?

Well... I'm not sure. At such, I shall see what's next, step by step just like (G.R.I.N.D)

2010-11-03T00:16:00.002+08:00

I've got a lot to say. but i know i can't say it.

im trying hard to let things rest. a few times i really wanna give up and tell you all. but what the fcuk am i doing if i lose control and make things out of control again. NO! all these have to come to and end!

sigh.. determination isn't that easy to handle :(

I'm always tempted to remove you. in fact i did but i feel there's no need to do so. because i still have to face reality. no point running away so i decided to face it! but.....

I'm such a loser i swear. why can't i be more free and unaffected. life isn't any better when you once got hurt and it will be even worst to get hurt twice. this shows why I'm afraid to start a fresh new now. i have got no confident in any already :( uhhh..sigh.. life sucks now.

day by day... I'm waiting for something. something which i wish to brighten me up.
pls get near me soon.. i need you. light me up pls.

when someone tells you to stop running and take a break. does it means you've worn-out and you really need that break?

will anyone pls consent me....

2010-11-01T00:16:00.003+08:00

thanks. cause you made my night :)
i almost forget everything with your silly actions and our random conversations.

thanks once again. i think we kinda miss having long chatting session till late night uh. my mood turn out to become better somehow. i feel like my night passed without feeling any pain or sadness.
you are still that awesome girl. i will never forget how the way you are.
and not forgetting ur smile :) webcam can be blur but ur smile will never be blur. :)

rmb im always there when you need that someone :) life is still that precious gem. we shouldnt let it go just like that. lets jiayou together okay :) love you girl

good night to you. and may your night be a sweet one :) < 3

2010-10-31T00:49:00.003+08:00

nothing is forever.
treasure now and embrace that memorable one.

what has gone will be gone? is that so?
but will i still refresh my memories? having to re-call back will only make me feel worst. so best is not.

for now i do wish to travel around the world like how you did. that was really amazing. you are always the one who I'll wanna be your shadow, who I'll like to follow your footsteps cause you are really that awesome. no doubt until now i still admire the way you are. :)

life is never enough. one thing to learn is to satisfy what you've got and live a happy life.

2010-10-27T22:10:00.003+08:00

I need a break. Pls let me go. Pls spare me more time. I need it more than i want it.
I'm begging you. Get away is proberly what I'm looking forward to now.

2010-10-26T00:34:00.006+08:00

if only time can heal everything
like it when im too preoccupied with work, it brings me away and time pass by without even me knowing.

24/7 working. its killing me if you realized im suffering silently.

2010-10-25T04:32:00.003+08:00

its 4.50am and im still up.

having too much in mind got me a little emo recently.

"In life you can't choose what can stay and when it's gone , you see the leaves falling from your happiness tree. They say i should grow up bigger and stronger and accept what god has for me. But they don't know , its worst than a burning drink in my throat. It's always horrible when a part of yourself's gone"

can we choose our fate to what we want it to be?
it will be great. just for once pls..

2010-10-11T00:14:00.003+08:00

101010

today seems like a special day. a day where memorable memories should be created. someone just told me today is a PERFECT 10 DAY. yeah true. perfect 10. yet i do wonder why does her perfect 10 turn out be that simple. Without having her own birthday cake and her own birthday song, she feels glee and blessed.

a perfect 10 can be as simple as that. isn't it blissed to just have someone you loved to be by your side and spent his/her every single second with you?

after today's 101010 i realised i miss my friends around me.
i realised there are too much for a person to accommodate to all her friends. i always wanted to gather all my friends together and form a big happy frien-mily. but now thinking of it. i realised its not easy and not possible for every single different personality to come together as one big frien-mily.

21st birthday. is it a big day to everybody?
so what is it when we celebrate our 21st? i know we want a memorable one. yah i want that too.
but when i think of the process. the different groups of friends, the preparation. will it turn out to be a successful one? im afraid to left out anyone. im afraid im not able to handle them all. i don't know why but i just wish to hold a success 21st birthday party if im gonna have one.

i feel i had screwed my life upside down. :(
i don't know what I'm heading for where I'm heading to. its kind of lost whenever i think of my next destination. it can be like a fixed boring routine. but i know i want more than just what I'm having now. i haven't even explore whats life out there! i bu ren shu! what i want to know now is how to climb higher in a few years time? i want to be a billionaire. a someone out there. no need to be famous but a someone to be recognised.

upgrading myself will bring me further? or gaining experiences benefits me more? aye.. time is slipping off every now and then :/ anyone knows what i really need? pls guide me thru.

concentrate on one item is not thrilling enough. i need more than one to keep me occupied.

sigh off @1.06am

2010-10-07T00:55:00.002+08:00

erm...

i was thinking if i should ignore my blog and never update anymore.
hesitated for quite long and decided to visit my blog again :)

i miss those days i blog every single day. :(

life is something never gonna be the same as you grow up.

i used to think why can't people do things constantly. why do they have to stop updating their life and changed to become some non active creature? :( its sadden. only until i stepped into this stage so called"working life". well only then i found myself doing the same things. same boring routine. elided what we call life! thats bad! >:(

i still want to change for a better. i know that's not all. i still have got a lot a lot i wanna explore and do! life is so short. if only there's........... endless $,life time, good times, and explorers , life will be fruitful and meaningful. I'm a Singaporean. but i realised there are so many countries out there i haven't get a chance to visit yet :( sigh.

right now. work to me is to gain experiences. i still want to learn more things. i've got many many wishes n interest to grant. i want i WANT i want to grant all my wishes.

alright. im beat. need my slp. good night all.

2010-08-20T15:55:00.004+08:00

Hey blogger. There's something in me that I want to say.
I'm tired......

I dnt wish to say this as I thought I can make it thru with all my will and efforts that i try to put in. But this isn't easy at all. I tried. I really want to win this war. I want everything to be perfect. Well I know wanting a perfection is not easy. So I lower the standard to good enough to be simple yet loving couple. It is possible! I just need more time and more talks. Trust me I never want to let go until you say so. Coz i think i still love you and i want to make this happen.

I keep having this mindset that I'm not good enough for u. I shall change for a better.

Yet there's one thing demoralized me. That's your stubborn attitude. You always want to show people tht you are okay but in actual fact you are not! You are willing to keep it to yourself yet u never want to tell people how u feel. That is why people around you think you are trying to act one nice person. Hey but I really don't think you r a horrible kid! You just plan to be like yourself. Why not think of being a little more humble and let people around you to dote you? Help you, care and concern for you? It makes you feel better n definitely change the perception of you in peoples mind.

Ahhh i say so much but I never ask how you wish to be treated and and how you want me to be as ur gf. I just wish we could talk about how we want our life to be. Sometimes I'm keeping quiet becoz I'm afraid to say the wrong things. You know I really want a happy outing with you n your friends. But I'm afraid to spoil the whole mood. i might not know what you all are talking about but i'll try to understand though. Aaa.... sounds easy but it's quite tedious uh! another thing I'm still trying to accept is how can anyone be able to hate someone here and next moment both of you are okay. I don't want to say this is bad. But why not make it permanent instead of being so fake to one another.dnt you all feel painful to lie about how much you love someone but you actually dnt feel good abt them! I'm gonna die if I choose to angry at someone and next moment I go back to her n say" heyyy! bestie forever" without even solving the problems accumulated before hand.

Now I can say I'm not feeling secure to be myself when I see how you all treat each other. I guess I know why I'm always so unsure and scared. You all live in your barrer all of you are just shelting for yourself i feel like im an atom bouncing around never able to get thru this barrer. I'm like a big kid who doesn't know what kind of life you all are living in. Im just a simple older generation kid!

I'm tired of finding out and I think I'm not good at handling my problems.
But deep in me I'm still fighting for you. Coz I still think we can work this out. Can we?

2010-08-15T23:05:00.006+08:00

blogging naoooo

heyyyyyy why aren't me blogging recently? whereeeee are all my passion in blogging? opps =X

i guess my She-Her Tat Girl blogspot are mainly for the Emo side of Hivian =] heyy... guess I'm harpiEAR recently? not TTM but im too occupied with stuff and all i guess. ever since i do camps I'm not blogging much already. =(

time flies! i can only say i let my holidays lasted for months =O. in between i tried to pick up on my interest and had enough of own world. hahaha i bet when my dear beibees see this, they will be like YAHHHH DEHHHH!!! XD yah.. i know la. ive got my holidays ever since March!~ wah seh! 6months? oh man.... ahahahaha but hey i finally have a taste of how an instructor is like! i love it ttm! =) ever since Sec 3 camp, i got this ambition to be like my instructor. she is so cool n i miss her!!! =D rmb she is one TANN GIRL too =) well, afterall i guess this can only be my interest n not my career (:
Outdoor is somewhere i belong but one day i have to go back indoor for shelter and warmth. (:

there are too much to learn in life. when you know you learned something new, its your benefit and i thought i learned to step out of my own world and choose my own path. no one else can help you if you don't help yourself. im fortunte to be who i am. and i believe i will be a someone somewhere =)
life is short, treasure every little bits and pieces around you. you wouldn't know when they will come and go... thanks to you who taught me this too. i should learn to treasure others and not be selfish.

Ogay~ this is shooo Coool isn't it? :D
\(^o^)/ i love how you always make me smile all the time. your words, your actions, your presence, your smile (:
there is this >YOU< naooooo... every little things that bring us closer can be so precious to me nao! i learned, its a matter of time, trust and companion that bring 2 together (: if you ask me how much i love you, i will say “这是个秘密。。因为你会一直都留在我的心里。”这就是我说不出的理由(:
its in Cheena Language.. oh ohh... hee..
baby thank you for trying your best to make the best out of the best! i love you and it goes..... oo

life is colourful with you around... but black n white when without you. :(: uoyssimi

2010-07-09T14:33:00.003+08:00

my lovbly! kaisin :)

my cutpie beatrice:)

i wanna thx them! thx for not forgetting me! this little rascal HAHAS.. love them much

thats me.. slping in an off service bus is really cool.. (:

they are my PL girls, Magnum 10!

they are awesome.. and i think im influenced by them somehow.. young at heart (^.^)v

so sweet to recieve these little notes from them... and when im super down at that moment... they surrounded me and cheer me up with their warmest hearts (: you will never know how great these girls can be. they just made me smile thru out my 4 days 3 nites =) loves

not forgetting my coolest instructors!

hahahs they are fun! they are the jokers! (:

had super lots of fun in st john with these ppl.. if only we can do another camp tgt... sabby will not b free anymore.. cheryl n atiqah! we will b doing camps tgt still right ? =)) cya sooon!

2010-07-07T23:20:00.003+08:00

my blog is dead... i can sense it. i can even neglect it and not view for new updates... hahas.. im kind of neglecting my dear little blogspot uh? sorry.. anywayyy.

im not trying to not post up anything. but im busy with camps last week and im actually trying to keep myself busy(: (Y) tme past so fast like nobody business!

i notice nowadays young kids are so out control.. ttm! i couldnt have even start a conversation with them. it makes me feel like a WOLS EOKP! and even like never understand their language!!! omggggg... seriouslyyy i'm giving up! surrender! shitty feelings. LOLX

im slpy... continue bloggin tml.. nites.. yawnns

2010-06-28T04:30:00.002+08:00

it been so long since i last chat till am...
the feeling is cool (:

mixed feeling.. i feel so different talking to differen people.. just i don't know which is more like me. everyone do express differently and i myself reply them differently to match the conversation too.. i guess..

its 5am in the morning.... i will have to wake up in an hour time again.. i do this for 2 days n ... i think i have changed my slping time to evening instead or nite.. hahas cool uh?

i learn something or rather i realised something new today (: its........ hmmm hahahs i dntnoe how to say it bt i'm cool to know new ppl =)

good nite deer pet, idiot Cp.

to ongamanda.. slp well.. n i hope u did enjoy ur nite today.. XoXo..

2010-06-27T04:36:00.003+08:00

我想。。

我真的很想。。

imiss..

im missing....

im tired..

im really tired le...

good nite (:

晚安（：

我的明天会好吗？

2010-06-21T03:06:00.002+08:00

i was about to post a long and emo post.

but....

i'm lost in words..

i don't know how to express myself right now..

i just know i'm a little upset, im a little goner, and im alittle lucky

thankyou is what I want to say to ppl ard me..
Things happen to me randomly and I seems to have tis hardcore bad atitude. I'm not like tat in the past.. I'm angry with myself too.. But Im used to what I am now. I feel irritated n pissed Easily when things r not done my way. I Noe this is not the right way to do things.. Bt how? I dnt feel cool to do things not in my way now..
Sigh.. I'm thinking hard now... I think I need some wake up call le..

Going off le~~ camp for 1 week at jbac.. Misses to my frens...:)

2010-06-16T19:34:00.003+08:00

there's something in me recently that i still couldn't understand. having a different family background or lifestyle really portrait so much differences in oneself? it is not easy to understand or intrude into another unfamiliar world just like that. i'm thinking how hard more and how sincere i need to put in to get through that barrier. trying to understand someone isn't easy after all.

how much time is needed to transform two unfamiliar strangers into someone who can share everything under the sun? i know it's not a day or two thingy. but i'm trying and i believe there's a way out to get it perfect (:

patient and trust have to be there. agree? i know adopting a new lifestyle is not going to be done by just with that snapped of our fingers. again, trust and belief will change everything. i'm quite particular about keeping up our own personality and habits. this shouldn't be changed just because someone don't does it.

i definitely agree to this phrase " action speak louder than words" yup its one of my weakness still. sometimes you might want to know what is right before you do anything that makes you look retarded.

chill pals.. recently friends are facing r.s problems.. this hot problem will never come to an end i'm sure.. im tired too.. lets turn in now and throw everything behind for a moment ba. (:

2010-06-14T03:38:00.004+08:00

say what you want to say..

too many things to be said. where to start? & when to end?

well..if i can read people's mind, it will be awesome.

sometimes i just wish i could read people's mind. i want to know what and how they think. i hate to assume, i hate to make guesses. i'm getting lazier and lazier. wanting something already requires lots of energy and brain storming. its tiring. so can all these be thrown aside and simply let me read people's mind just like that?

i kind of find myself not being very sociable anymore. i'm getting tired of answering people's questioning and i just want to stay silent. i'm not trying to act cool or being anti-social. i just don't feel comfortable to answer or talk much now. maybe i'm numb with having lots of thought in me or i guess i have been self answering my questions i'm in doubt with all these while. am i emoing now? or im just feeling bored and thoughts are developing in me again? hmmm... this sounds like im a weirdo uh?i don't wish im one though. i'm looking forward to have a planned future and of cause my everyday is spend equally fruitful and calm. i think management is one very important thing we need to have to build up that "future" we want.

i just want a simple life. do what i want to do.. say what i have to say, be what i want to be.
am i undergoing a change in life?

2010-06-10T00:48:00.003+08:00

say what you want to say (:

say... if things are to be hidden all the time, you wouldn't know what's right & what's wrong... true? Say... if you're tired .. you wouldn't want to keep it silent anymore. can? Say... if you're given a try.. should just give that try. iss't ok? Say.. if you're confused .. will everything be okay? Say...... if everything is just an illusion... when will everything be over?

so i say.. i'm numb and goner.. will there be a restart button?
so gonna get used to it when im treated differently..
that the reason why i see them differently too (:

just wanna be myself.
take it or leave it..

ilove incantoCharms~ itbringsmetosomewhere(:

2010-06-07T01:23:00.006+08:00

someone who i'll say iloveyou.
when it comes to serious things i will be the one to be count on. i'm always the one to be there for you. someone who you can play with, joke with and also laughs at me when i do silly acts. Someone who can hear you out. always stand by your side. Someone who give you the fullest trust. surprise you when you don't even know when i'm going to appear. make it the most unforgetable moment that you will never forget.when you are tired, im always there to be your pillar. when you have your cravings, i will get it for you as soon as possible. never let you feel hungry or in pain. i want you to be the happiest someone and never feel neglected. i just want to dote you all i can and loveyou like nobody else do.

2010-06-03T22:55:00.002+08:00

YangZheng Primary school.

camping with kids had somehow change my idea of disliking kids.

not that i hate kids. just don't have this interaction with them. until recently... camping with the kids change my thinking toward them.

kids are still very hyper, questions are never ending... naughty is common.. playful is definitely... all this are out of control until you really understand them. Slowly you will know how to deal with their behaviours. at times their questions are just too many too many... you wont even know how to answer them. laughs*
i can only keep quiet. let them get no answer and they will stop.

another thing i learnt...

in order to get their attention is to keep quiet and hands up. count down.. all the way until they get wat u want them to do. it take times... really being patient is very important. however, some kids need to be firm and fierce so they wont climb up ur head. fee bad to shout at them. but i just need their attention. (: i noe u all are good kids. indeed ur are all good kids. just a little too hyper and curious abt things =)

lastly.... i simply love the attention they gave me. you will feel satisfied when they call u. when they cant bear to leave you.. when they look for u and ask you things. i know it can be irritating when they keep asking you. but when u see them smile at you asking why why why... u just wont feel angry but answer what they want to know. (:

causality challenge

mojo!

instructrs!

tcher Z!

grp7 Boys!

grp 7 girls! (:

days in there bring me back memories.

each camp there will be something new to learn.

2010-05-31T01:12:00.002+08:00

is this all we can do?

its never like we can't.. but we don't....

if you take it, you see a happy us..
if you leave it and there goes another emo sole.

there's never right or wrong.
there isn't a specified timing for you to catch it.

but when the moment is right... there you go.. its yours..
everything just have to go by that sense and feel.
if this special moment hits you, its fated to be yours. i believe 99% will be yours.. (:

i'm to say all this because i'm always hoping upon miracle.
why miracle? i don't know...
maybe if you did realised...
miracle do stand a least chance of 0.01%.
it is definitely better than a never try/hope...

day by day.. this world is changing bit by bit.. and again if you did realised..
we human can hold on to something for years and never ever forget what its deeply engraved in their memories. it will always stay there till we are vanished from this world.

i finally understand why adults always say being a kid is never gonna be as stress as an adult. each day we are adding more and more stuff into our brain. slowly, its accumulating.
sigh.. life is never easy..

"if only" is never near..
so what is what?
complicated is what i know about life..

2010-05-24T23:46:00.002+08:00

it all begins with a whole hearted of yours..

it all depends if you can hold it there.

i know it's never easy to do it yet there is always this will to make it possible.

my life can be affected badly.. yet it can be brighten up with colours..

just having you is enough to gain all these happiness. (:

iloveyou... n definitely missyou (:

you rocks my world.. <3

good nites....

2010-05-17T00:04:00.003+08:00

i'm sure they are pissed with my behavior and attitude. i'm sorry..

i feel extremely lousy after this morning lecture from dad.

yes, i admit i haven't been giving my trust to you all. i'm sorry.. i felt i'm such an ass too.. =(

i break my promise, i never ask for permission.. i even make my own decision on things that does not belong to me. i'm to be blame right? yes.. its all me ... sigh

recently i'm not in any stable mood. Feelings are always down or emo.. i believe being alone for quite sometimes will lead to pessimistic me. i don't know how to face my life at times. its just so out of control and tears will start to roll down. =(

人生真的很不容易走。。一旦跌倒就不容易站起来了。就算能看开也不可能永远放开。。就比如割伤的伤口会永远留下那疤痕。。没那么容易恢复。

想想。。做人真不容易。
除非。。。。？？(never really thought of what's a real happy life for me) i guess i'm still searching for it..

2010-05-12T00:16:00.000+08:00

tiring day...
fun n umi..

good nites..

2010-05-11T01:20:00.005+08:00

when time is ripe.. everything will be settled down.
are mine riped?

hahas.. i'm thinking again..
i never know what i will become one day..

but i know what i am now.

i see the differences in me compared to the past.

i see myself growing up. i see myself learning more n more things.. i see myself slowly becoming an adult. that's so miracle. i rmb those thoughts when i were still young. i have this thinking that everything is so big to me. i'm still so small to handle anything.. i need to ask permission and all before i do anything.
perhaps all those thoughts are part of our growing up process.
right now, i'm to handle things myself. what we always hear from our parent "when we grow up, we need to handle more stuff.. more stress." things aren't that simple anymore. every little thing need to be considered before we make our decision.

i miss those life..
sleepy head wants to head to bed le.. nites..

2010-05-10T01:40:00.002+08:00

i'm sorry..
i feel moody still..

i mean it.. &
why don't you believe me?

its so nice to hear that from you... (:
i'm trying..

i know i need to control.

i'm tired..
new week.. and i have to pay off so much... i'm gonna kill myself very soon.. sigh

2010-05-08T01:22:00.004+08:00

i know i don't give big impact...

i just hope i'm the one who cares..

be it or not..

i really want to see that happy life of yours..

i'm so freaking cracking my brain to think what i can do...

i really wish i can do something...
please.. jiayou... (: i know u can.

many people do believe in you too...
don't give up.. its never too late.

`````````````````````````````````````
why...?

i'm having something to think again.

i hear... i see... i feel...

this 4 letter words.

its so sweet.. its so crazy...

but it can be so different in another hand.

its painful ... its hurting...

why? if only its always gonna be like this.. "So Sweet" i believe this will make everyone go so fine.. caring.. loving... peaceful...

i wish for a better future.(:

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````

a new life.. isn't it great?

i believe in having optimistic mind..
lets do it. (:
loves (:
& thats me. (:

2010-05-04T02:04:00.003+08:00

well.. today my mood went from that `````` High..... to.... this ______ low...

i did mention in my twitter i'm looking forward to a new start. yes i am. i'm bringing along my happy and carefree mood out.. yet i came home with this super upset.. pain in me... anger in me... stressfulness in me... sigh.. these feelings are making me tense up..

all thanks to those bastard guys.. especially that no integrity guy who have his cheeks to even feel that he isn't at fault. what can these guy become one day? seriously.. gentleman are diminishing in this world. he can just play off his life man.. hope he got himself Acquired immune deficiency syndrome .. or Human immunodeficiency virus .. damn .... u will get it one day.. not to be cursed.. u just deserved it.

sigh.. so pissed with his reaction and replies. non of it shows that he is apology at all. what can his brain be filled with?nth but ass? is he only up will all those Fucking CB Life?? if you really think your looks is the above average. i will like you to look yourself in th mirror. never will you be any good looking with that ugly heart. you're an empty shell. actually.. not even fit to be a shell... a empty pill of SHIT? oh man... i cannot believe.. i can describe shit as EMPTY... cool man.. only such ass will have such shitty name. hahas.. i love it! u seriously SUCKS! u TOoh!

alright.. say so much he wont even read. hah.. lets safe my energy for other things else ba.

hey girl.. i'm sorry..
sorry for not knowing how to console you.. i'm not good at it.. i notice myself only recently... sorry..
hope you feel better after those cries.. though i don't wish to see u cry.. coz you never once cried and not feel pain or upset. =( i feel so pain to see u i pain too...

i know whatever i have said, its not powerful enough to get you your confident.. but you have to know that it never too late to start a new. you should know you are still young. you have got too many things to do in 1 couple of years time. pls look at the bright side. love life just not coming your way now. u can make a little twist? n work hard on other path now. nothing is impossible. plus you have got so many cool n wonderful dreams to fulfill. wahh u make me feel like you have really got bright future. i foresee all of your great achievement you know? really... that scene always appear in my mind. you are someone who shines up there in a couple of years time.

hmmm... life is always changing.. like there's this Chinese phrase 就的不去，新的不来. its the same when you dont stop yourself from thinking of those past. you will never get over it. you have to even feel that he isnt worth to be nicely treated, i just feel like going to him n give him a tight slap.. LIKE NOT JUST ONE! arggg... he pissed me off damn badly..

xin tong .. ouchx..
i'm tired after a long day out there.. i need some slp.. i hope you are slping soundly now.. good nights..

2010-05-03T02:29:00.000+08:00

hahas..

2010-05-02T00:50:00.003+08:00

I've got some places i want to go....
awaiting.....

looking forward....

yeshhh...

they are no other than Marina Bay Sand Hotel plus the Whole IR..
i doubt normal visitor can just enter and explore around ba. :( shall see...

i will like to stroll around Marina Bay too. Esp the cris cross bridge. damn big n high uh..
next to it... its the flyer. dnt say i sua gu.. coz i never went up before.. i will like to have a ride when the whole construction is done (:

yup... this is just part of where i want to go.

next will be our beautiful island... no other than our SENTOSA Resort!
i want to enter the Universal studio? i don't know what is like in there. i want to play the themePark.. is there any in there? ohh man.. i miss playing all those exciting thrilling games. whoot!

and of course.... i will like to enjoy my sun bathing under the shining sun (: so loving it...

these are more of time consuming activities. also require more people to enjoy the fun together uh... when when when?? i'm waiting...

i'm going to plan things out soon =))
i need to achieve it.. will i? can i?
i have to! (:

i start to love the sun more and more... i need you very soon.. please.. stay there (:

2010-05-01T02:42:00.003+08:00

Do you know how to forget one? Is to stop contacting that one AS WELL AS those who are close to THAT ONE! Silly...

this is meant for someone who doesn't know her limit and still trying to make herself feel pain... oh well.. upon hearing about you aren't home yet.. and still with a "stranger" guy fren.. I'm kind of pissed with you. sigh.. when then will you be more obedient sighh...

Wanting to care for you really keeps my heart pumping faster.. esp when i know you aren't safe at home at such late timing!
pls.. i hope you are really working hard towards your plan. RMB my BOLD sentence! Stop having so much contact with someone who keep you out of your mind. they don't do any good to you. keep that in mind plsssssss..... sigh..

3am le.. yet you are still loitering... bad girl..

2010-04-30T22:29:00.012+08:00

Daddy's Birthday Treat (:
There we go to SUSHI TEI @ China Square. My working place (:

Well.. i know its my 3rd visit to Sushi Tei for this month. sound crazy uh.. but each visit i went with different group of people and ordered different dishes. (: so its not so that i'm always there to eat the same dishes.

Yupp... however, one thing for sure i will have it whenever i dine in. that is no other than 緑茶 "Ocha" which is know as Japanese green tea (:

its one of my favour tea (: be it served cold or hot. its always so refreshing.

HERE they are my mummy & papa (:

Cute uh? they have this couple face too uh? hahaha!

this is funny.. as i asked dad to take a picture with the Menu..

and he said i'm Su ku kia.. meaning "silly girl"... hahas but he still did what i asked him to do. hee.. cute isn't it? (:

Asusal, Sashimi Salad will always be our appetiser (: yummy! even mum, dad and Sis loved it (: thumbs Up! ZHAN!

Next will be the soft smoothing Cawamushi! steam Egg.. i love it though.. but due to having it too often, i'm kind of feeling sick of the taste and smell. Nevertheless, i'll still rate a 5 stars for this Cawamushi! Another ZHAN! (:

OH Woah! a Little surprise done by my manager, Ludi... Thanks! (:

Its a Dragon Roll with that little candle to wish my Dad a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (:

Special birthday "cake".

hee hee... papa look like a Pa Di Xiong? Cute right? lolx

there goes him to blow of that little candle! (:

Next will be the most appealing and fresh TOKACHI SASHIMI! WOAH WOAH!
on the top left corner its Otoro! Tuna Belly, follow by top right hand corner its Mekajiki! Swordfish last but not least.... most wanted sashimi its Salmon!

Sushi Tei's Sashimi is always the most fresh and appetising one. believe me.. u should give a try
if you haven't (: ZHAN ZHAN!

what's next? hmmmmm...

Don't miss it!

its one of the most hot item in Sushi Tei!

HOTATE MISO MAYO! its scallop with mayo and special sauce... like some cheezy taste. really great! hee...

Here come the MOST Giant serving... up to 4 or 5 pax shares.

Its no other than our biggest Hot Pot Kaisen Chankonabe. yummy!
the ingredient are mostly seafood and vegetables... really delicious!

i ordered a Spicy Base soup... i guess it suit my family taste bud...(:

however, if you don't fancy spicy stuff.. there's also miso soup.. i believe you will ask for more and MORE...

it simply warm up our stomach after consuming all the cold dishes we had before. (:

Adding on with some YAKI food. (:

its the best part when you dine in at Sushi Tei.

Because..... they look great, smell good and definitely taste awesome! Many people are willing to wait for that 20mins of grilling these YAKI stuff.

i ordered this Gindara Teriyaki which is known as "Cord Fish". Its really smooth and melts in ur mouth. it has the fullest omega-3 in its fish oil.

If you are looking for a simple meal, this will be perfect together with a bowl of steam rice (:

Another YAKI Food i ordered.

this is also one of the best seller in Sushi Tei.

EBI MENTAIYAKI! this look so cool isn't it? the whole king prawn is cut into half and they bake it with mentai sauce. OMG... everyone loves this... its so super tasty i swear! (:

After those dishes i ordered from the menu, dad was attracted by this SANSHOKU Sushi on the Belt.

HAHAS.. YES... this is one of the most unique sushi you can see going round on the sushi belt. its also one of my favour. ;D

even the auntie who make sushi also know i like and will save some for me after our last order. (:

someone aimed this EBI Floss Maki on the sushi belt for sometime uh. HAHAS she is no other then my Mami! hahas

i managed to catch one and dished it out for her to try (: really great! its prawn tempura rolled with sushi rice and coated with floss! yummlicious!

finally! we are done with our meal... it time for DESSERT!!!~

well.. I ordered MACHA and Black Sesame Ice-Cream. coz i love it hee...

who knows! i got these as well! woahhh! awesome! hee

its Pino..

And Ice Ball! lovely! really!! it melts in your mouth like some milky ice-cream? hahas dontnoe how to describe... but the fruity taste and the milky smell really make you want more and MORE!~ no joke... all these ice-cream are imported from Japan. all have their unique part of it. (:

Yesh~ I'm loving it (:

while waiting for dad to drive over...

mummy and jing (:

HAH!

of course i didn't forget about the most important Birthday Cake! (:

this afternoon... after i knocked off, i had a big headache to decide which cake shop to hunt for my dad's birthday cake... if you know... I'm a cake lover! hee.. of coz i will like to get somethings special and had never tried before.

sooooo..... while walking toward Raffles MRT... i searched through SG Mall App. Was considering between Vivo city and Orchard. yupp made up my mind and headed to TOWN (:

wee! there i am... ION was one of the best Special Delight Location. so i hunt up and down.... finally i saw this SINs Chocolate located @ ION Level 4... wee!

there i go... its a small shop near the information counter. if you never step into this shop, i guess no one will know they do sell cakes! as the surrounding are all display with chocolates n more chocolates. The cakes are just too small to catch your attention. Had a browse through SG Mall.. i managed to know they do sell cakes (: so i walked in to take a clearer look at those cakes. yesh! i found it.. they only have 3 different kind of cakes. i choose the one with dark chocolate with berries and Rums in it. i guess its more of classic taste.

tadah! dad is only 10 years old.. know why? coz the girl who packed for me this cake told me they only have one kind of candle. -.-! so i asked for just one candle then (: daddy will be 10years old this year!

its dark chocolate.. so the taste isn't so sweet.. and definitely it taste awesome with that rum in it! ;) winkx* yup.

there! my dad's birthday celebration come to an end... i hope he enjoyed his night with us.

Once again.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAPA! ;)

2010-04-30T03:06:00.003+08:00

oh.. my nights aren't ending happily... :(

there's fear in me all the time.. sigh..
what can i do to not feel fear?

day by day...
i'm sure i'm to be up with something soon..
lets see...

anw.. today dad came home with a letter...
1st thing he did was announced to me that there's a traffic police letter.

well.. upon hearing it, i got myself to guess which day and time was it. hoping its non of my business... however, dad opened it, and read "China Street" OH MAN!~ this sound familiar!
its at china square and i knew that this was coming to me.

dad read out the place and date together with the time stated. 9.25pm.
a little nervous thinking if dad will give me a lecture about this summon. lucky to say, he is in a good mood? well i don't know but he didn't give me a harsh lecture so i assume he is having good mood this afternoon. ;) oh i had forgotten one important information about this summon. its a super expensive summon together with this 3 points demerit. oh man... what is this !! such a sudden attack to me. -.-!

dad was saying.. i shouldn't use my licence instead use my mum's licence. coz i'm still a beginner. it isn't good to have demerit points within a year. mum refused to help though... she said she doesn't want to go for test! hahas.. i'm laughing out loud coz mummy says she cannot drive properly after so many year.. she is trying to say she aren't driving properly everyday! hahahaha!!! couldn't stop laughing..

anw, this problem is still unsolved! 120bucks of summon and 3 demerit points, no one claim to be responsible for it.. =( though i know i'm the one who create this trouble... well i'm quite sure i have to cash out this 120bucks.. whereas dad will settle the demerit points. sigh... singapore is seriously a summon killer! just a few second and i got myself to pay off this 120bucks. damn damn damn bo hua! baaaaahhhhhh!

will i be more careful next time? hahas i hope so =) but but....
parking are expensive too.. rahhhhh... lets not drive? haha i doubt i will... :]

2010-04-29T00:35:00.008+08:00

damn.. life is a dread...

its so hard to handle stuff at times.
A question and there should be an answer...
however.. i've got no answers to some questions... so how should i answer those questions then?

recently my mind keeps thinking of stuffs... too many to share.. i'm still not done with those thoughts in my mind.. keep on running.. non-stop..
too many .. yet there's still no answer to it..

this afternoon.. mum got me another question to answer... argg..! its way too far man! that question brought me to the boiling point straight... who can i be dating la! stupid question.. i'm so fed up with my life recently and you still accuse me of tat! i'm not in any.. and i just enjoy going out with my friends.. be it late at night or early in the morning.. i just know i'm with my friends.. no one else... pls be clear of that.. pissed....

another one person got me damn hot n impatient today.. i'm sorry.. i shouldnt say bad about you coz u are innocent.. but u are a little too over doing it recently.. i don't reply so it means i'm not in the mood to reply ya... can't you feel or even see how i reply ur msg? oh man..... i'm not in the mood to entertain you .. especially these few days.... just.. i'm to hot temper.. don't challenge me pls... i hope you understand...

i'm sorry this is meant for my parent. sorry for behaving weird and rude recently....
i'm too out of control when i'm vex over things and both of you are adding salt to it... its painful.. sorry.. i know both of you are concern over my activities.. i'm fine.. i wll know what i should do.. don't worry. (:

tired..

2010-04-28T00:30:00.018+08:00

Let me introduce my Play Mates (:

They are really awesome...

Trust me...

Enjoyable days we had together....

Be it out in the sun.....

Or be it late at night......

We never fail to leave the most memorable moments we had together.... (:

Here comes.........

My Lovely angels! ^^

don't you agree they are cute? in these pic?

well.. lets view back all our past.....

Rewind<<<<<<<<

Beat & me (:

Her Coolest Shot..

Hers Happiest Shots (:

Her mischievous Shots!

My butt beat! u wanna kiss??? xD

Muacks Loves beat (:

best bud.. always there to hear me out.. i treasure your presence all the time (:

Me & my dearest Kaisin <3

Love her to the max <3

she nevers fails to lend me her helpful hands... (: i treasure everything about her...

Cute "couple" photos =D

Coolest shot...

Lovely Shots she has...

Playful kaisin (:

Shilin & Me (:

Aunty pose she got!!

Photos with a Rock Star!~ (i cant believe i'm taking photos with my favo star!!)

Advertising Delicious delight...~

she adds colours to our life.. (:

HMMMMM.................

Thinking back.....

i believe all those memories are still the most unforgetable ones... (:

These people rocks my world!~

Forever Loves~

2010-04-26T00:59:00.003+08:00

i'm hungry too...

this look delicious...

will i get to try?
yum yum...

ohhh.. yes.. i think i can dig in soon! =D

yummmy!
i think i'm in love with it...

i shld upload the rest.. but i'm to lazy .. hahas..

2010-04-12T01:50:00.002+08:00

feeling the differences in me.

i think i know how she felt during that critical period.

its so uncontrollable..

its always when you experienced it and you will feel the pain and see the difference.
time to pack up and do things big... i hope that's what i want.

yup..
learning to...
talk less and do more..

2010-04-10T01:43:00.005+08:00

不说你不知。。

tan说了又怎样？

notice something after chatting with some old mates on MSN..
everyone seems to be busy with their stuff..
one thing in common..
when you are commited to one.. you are going to be tied down somehow.. time flies without you knowing it too.

everything can be in a mess if you didn't handle it well.. you will end up in a maze too.. just like ..

how to train a dragon *thumbsup*

2010-04-09T02:41:00.003+08:00

my blog like dead le.. cannot....

i will make it alive soon =)) haha shall wait... change change change!!!

I'm going to change everything!!!

bored of it le. time to make changes (:

Monday!! i will do it by Monday (;

busy weekends.. here i come..

run baby run!
iloveyou ((:

2010-04-01T17:05:00.003+08:00

blog blog blog...

i miss you... wait for me uh.. (:

off to work....
i miss home life....

2010-03-24T00:39:00.003+08:00

day by day...

time past super fast...

i havent know what i'm doing recently..

i've changed part of my daily routine i guess..

i spent like water tap too... shit me.. really !!! i can kill myself soon if i still don't earn it all back...

whatever i have spent on.. i don't feel the pain at all.. only when i see my balance left in my bank... i feel like killing myself! arhhhh....

this month my whole family are ready to travel oversea. (:
1st is my dad, mum n jie... they planned to go japan.. hurray for no one in control of me coming home late =)) wheeet!~
yet one super irritated thing is.... i still ned t go market and set up the stall even when my parent aren't in spore! shitty thing is... on those weekdays i still have to wake up early to deliver all the goods to the respective stall. sighhh wake up so early just to deliver those goods...

one more shittest thing is.. i worked on fri sat n sun! i'm going to be tired out soon... 1st market need to do alot of preparation and stuff.. super tiring! nite working.... worst! god damn me... need to chiong alittle at s.s. nxt is to look out for a full time job 1st...

well welll welll.... *i forgotten wat i wan to type....*

falling aslp....... nitesss

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DEAREST BEATRICE (:
2 more days??! heee happy 22th (:

2010-03-17T02:20:00.013+08:00

pictures~~

too many to post.. i shall just upload all our pictures.. (:

after exams till ~ now......

too many too many....

live love laugh~

update soon (:

2010-03-14T00:19:00.004+08:00

why??
do i looked like I'm someone who should be take n thrown aside after awhile? DO I? cant u understand how much i did is all i want to.. not being force.. not even a grumble about anything... why can't you understand?
if i were to just leave you aside.. i will do that since the day u thrown me aside... ignore me... why do i have to do all my best to keep u accompany.. to make you feel better... unless you tell me.. all i have done is nothing to you.. ok.. i will not fan you anymore..
do you?

seriously.. whenever you made a chong dong decision .. its gonna be hurting me deep.... deeper den the cuts i had on my hands ...
if you rmb i mention... bring me along when u want to be bang down by a car.. *touched wood* i asked you to bring me along... yes.... i said that.. why? becoz i don't see why i should still live on when u aren't around anymore..
and right now.. just becoz of some little misunderstanding... you decided to throw me aside again.. you really think you are doing the right things? don't you think its so unfair to me.... why? why do u always want to make such decision... it breaks my heart... i really tried to bare with all those happenings u had with those bastards... sorry.. i call them bastard..

i'm really trying to help you.. i don't know if you had heard whatever i've told you.. i don't know if all those i had said to you do help you feel any better.. ?
but seriously i did tried... i don't wish to see you so upset so vex.. u know that? i know its not easy for you to just forget and move on... everything need time to solve.. u just need some time and some accompany? don't you?

i'm sorry about having a friend to reply you so harsh. i apologised to both..
i know i always put her 1st.. i'm sorry..
if you ppl are to place ur loves one behind don't you think its not counted your loves one anymore?
i'm sorry i don't know how to handle things like tat.. i tried though.. maybe i was wrong.. i tot i can bring all of us tgt.. had fun tgt.. i know its not easy to let one who doesn't interact much and expect all of us to accept it... haiz.. its all my fault.. sorry..

i don't agree to your decision...

2010-03-08T15:53:00.004+08:00

i got this feel i'm going to die soon. hahas

my pride seems to erode away ...
where exactly do i stand?
sometimes i just don't feel i'm anywhere in your heart...

study or work?

suddenly i got this interest in taking up Bachelor of Arts (Psychology)
since i love to analysis thoughts.. love to imagine things.. i guess this degree can be a very good choice to further my knowledge. who knows hahahas.. i might ended up a Psychologist :D

2010-03-06T01:58:00.004+08:00

wo dao di shi Zhe meh le! She meh dong xi...

tmd... hen Si zi ji... hen fan la...

=..((

2010-03-05T00:36:00.002+08:00

haha.. update soon.. too many pictures.. i'm lazy super lazy!

upload fb took me more den an hour aready.. siannnn!

workwork work..$ pls drop from the sky! hahahas

2010-03-01T01:50:00.004+08:00

its M18!

only above 18 den can see the below's photos uh!!!

it contains uncomfortable pictures and so on....

please be prepared.....

its day 1...
cycling at ECP... no idea what i did.. but out of no where... i feel my bike having this jerk.. and there goes me... flew out of my bike! zooommmm......~ slide for a distance away from my bike. ouch~

my knee's bruises... pain pain..

most serious injury is my right elbow..
pain was there all the way......

after 2 days...
kind of swallowed.. goshh pain plus heaty.. look like eye uh?
new immortal "Er Lang Shen" hahahas

3rd day de wound all very red n pain..
This is my left knee..
heaty oso.. like even if i jus bath.. after an hour i feel like bathing again.. i will do whatever i can to make me feel better lor. hahas

ewww... cant slp with this.. haiz..

hate the feeling when bathing... argggg!

muscle ache like hell.... totally feel like dying....

dont know why.. when u compare the 1st pics which was the 1st day and the 3rd day... the wound seems to be more big n serious... hmmmm weirdd... have been thinking..WHy?~ i think coz of germs... hahahaz.. dad keep asking me go injection.. i say no ned.. dont want.. die die oso dnt ned go see doctor.. LOLX now keep holding the pain lor.. haiz.. faster recover pls~

my right leg de wound.. minor de... healing soon (:

Well.... 5th day!~

see my knee de wound.. half recovered.. wahhh ! finally something healed.. bt still got one part still open wound.. siann.. bend down can seriously cry out la..

opps.. i noe this is super erxin

hahahas.. but you can see.. its less redness.. i kept apply antiseptic cream.. n detol cream.. dad oso got me a Opsite Spray.. its like a layer of wax on my wound to prevent from germs entering n cause infection. well.. bt i feel that with tat spray... it can cover my wound bt.. it doesn't let my wound breathe.. making it more sallow.. hahas..

hmmm.. well now i should say.. its much better... not tat pain. bt still very hard to bathe n slp lor.. haizzzzz like so restrict to turn around when slping uh.... so saddddd
:((

ok ..... its so going to be recover before i go club or go any outing ok!!!!! hahahahahs be good recover ba! (:

2010-02-27T20:50:00.003+08:00

Hatred angry pissed.....
:((

Life sux...
helpless useless dumbass....

nv ever gonna reached that destination... long Journey ......

没事是假的。。
心痛是真的。。。

无奈是借口。。
无能是事实。。。

真的很失败。。。

2010-02-20T18:25:00.003+08:00

Tireddddddddd......
Shit me... No time le...

Kays got to focus!!

Anw.... I finally got myself iPhone white:) Hahas
actually was considering between blackberry or iPhone, but decided to get iPhone.
One reason is becoz i want to have a touch screen phone, adding on, I always wanted iPhone ear piece! Hahaha!! I Noe it's super lame, y don't I buy just the ear piece right? Becoz ..... I feel tat it's super waste of $ to just buy their ear piece:D
lastly.. I choose iPhone so that I can play bowling in MRT and throw my iPhone out of the cabin just like those kuku shown in YouTube! ;D lolxx

weird ..
Ytd I'm super impaitent to bring home my new iPhone.
But just now when collecting my phone, I don't feel as excited as I do compared to ytd.
hahas I think I'm too used to playing with itouch till I'm bored of iPhone .. lolx!

Hmmm actually White iPhone looks cool too ;D
with a blue transparent casing, totally awesome HAhAhA!!!! Lovesss hee :)

2010-02-19T02:42:00.006+08:00

I'm trying to find back myself...

but its been too deep that i lost it somewhere..
and its been too long that i lost track of where it goes.

I'm so used to how i am now.. that i forgotten about my origin self.

i kind of contradict myself...
being so lost can be a fantasy
but being conscious is an agony

i know this isn't real. never will it become real.. all these while.. its just my imagination.
having it been part of my life should it be said as a blessing one? or it is actually an obstacle in my life? sigh.. i'm so cock up with what and who i am now.

its not that i don't want to be what i'm supposed to be. but whatever I'm doing can be too over and scary. i tend to have this "weird" character in me.

whenever I'm concerning about u, i will over do it. it become so important to me that i won't want to miss out anything. i will plan thoughtfully and want to give the perfect care. it can be too perfect that it makes ppl think i'm crazy. if i know i failed to make any surprise possible, not having the fullest satisfaction, i will be pissed with myself..
always having a back up plan if anything goes wrong. sometimes.. if i cant think of any idea. I'm best not to be irritated because i will blow up anytime. but when i found what i want.. and i'm satisfied with what i had come out with, i will be in that delighted and pleased mood.

I'm also used to checking out on you till i feel i'm like a pervert. arggg... damn shitty feelings. why do i have to keep looking out on you to make sure u are doing good, doing well..
and if happen to see someone who wants to go near u.. i will dislike that person. esp.... stranger GUYS! seriously.. hate them to the core... sorry. but i will!

I'm so insane until I'm quite afraid of myself at times.

is this me? all these while this is what i am doing. i lose the right perspective of my life le. did i?

2010-02-16T03:05:00.002+08:00

2010 Chinese New Year........

its so boring ... hahahas.
why say so..

damn bad timing?!
it falls before my exams.. sighhh some more not enough time to really study for all the 3 papers. sighhh... damn siannnn! want to play hard also have to consider of my revision. booooooos!

anw... my chu yi and chu er.. is forever the same.. go to uncle, aunty hs and bai nian... like even angbao oso the same amt HAHAHS... other den this year having more ang baos from da gor gor, da jie jie who just got married last year ;)) still every year is the same routine.. so boreddd!
sad to say.... my dad side very little cousins... we always cant find enough"Leg" for mahjong! =S angryyy~
as for my mum side... is TOOOo many relatives... until we always cant meet up together as we will go to different uncle, auntie hs at different timing. sighhh! plus.... mum's side cousins i'm not that close. seldom talk oso....
more sad case..... usually my secondary sch classmates will meet up at Mr tan hs... we still get to play pokers.... had some fun.. chit chat.. n so on... but!!!! this year very little ppl going.. so i'm not tagging along. well... i guess as we get older each year... we will find New Year is getting more and more boring... agree??

*One of my Yi Ma said.... i changed until she don't recognised me le. hmmm got so kua zhang? hahahaas she says i become whiter? UH..... i agree la.. so long nv sun tan... i wan go sentosa!!!!!!!!! she also say my hair become so style... not like the past so noob. -.-! lastly.... she said something which i don't agree! she added..." now see you like more miao tiao." o.O??! i think she nothing to say so anyhow hamtam!...HAHAHAS i where got miao tiao! so fat... so straight! HAHAHAS anyhow only.

its time to go suntan! i still prefer my tan tan colour.. got to go jog out under the sun le.. no more running on track mail le. or else.... i will become a Bai zhan Ji.... HAHAHS

alright.. i'm getting tired le. going to 4am! i'm still here.. godness...
silly .. wake up in the middle of the night and decided to try luck and gave me a call? HAHAs that was really cool. hope you are sleeping soundly right now.

2nd call...
totally shocked! sigh.... =( why cant i be there to pat you and make sure u slp soundly? feel so helplesssss. sorry girl.. hope ur nightmare will go off and not come back again ok. :))

nights its time for me to turn in le....i wish everyone on this Earth will have the Sweetest Dreams tonite (: sleep tight.

2010-02-13T17:22:00.003+08:00

finally!

end of Market War....

every year is about the same... however this year i see myself putting 99% in helping out. one reason is becoz there's a shortage of helpers.. another reason is becoz i see mum n dad putting their 99.9% in preparing everything.. feel like doing my best to help them too. :)

with that, i got 2 sleepless night and continuously of up selling our delicious and yummy items. HAHAS
its non-stop selling until we get our short 1 or 2 hours break and back to market again. its an overnight NIGHT MARKET :)
although i'm super tired and got myself body aches, yet i'm happy :) seeing my whole family working together... *except jie.. not in spore*
but still i see the united power in us working together to fight this war. having this same goal of selling and promoting to our customers, we made it till the end! hahas like finally!!!!

just finished packing my house and i think i will get a nap before.........i step into a NEW YEAR! :))
YEAR OF TIGER! hope it will be a good year ahead!

XIN NIAN KUAI LE!

2010-02-11T23:41:00.003+08:00

out of no where.. i tot of drawing again.. hahas since Valentine day is 2 days later.... i anyhow drew out this cartoon hahas.. wish all couple have their sweetest Vday this year :))

i personally like the boy looks. looked so smart hee.... some more.. he looked so sincere! nice nice.. hee

alright.. i have to say good nite le...... 2 hours later have to wake up... uhhhhhhhhhhhh......... all the way till sat morning... =/

jiayouJIAYOU~ hahas lai arhhhh yong tau fu! laiiii arhhhh.. steamboat's ingredients~ lai arhhh laiii arhhhh!!!! bao yu ... yu chi....!!! hahahahahahas
lai arhhh!!~ buy ALL get ALL free! HAHAHAHS

ciaooo!~

happy advance Valentine Day... and 新年快乐~:)

2010-02-10T21:00:00.002+08:00

y am i always feeling tired... tired tireddd tireddddd! argggg... restless me. sigh.

today 10 feb 2010, i got myself a life long cert! :)

passed my PDT. yeahh.... :))

excitement last me for an hour or two.. hahas.. however.. mum was super hyper when she heard i passed PDT. hahas..she goes like....." UHHH!!! passed le arh!? ni pass driving le???!!! wahhhh! " my mum so cute. ;D

finally i dnt ned to spent my allowance on driving practical le... phewww... got a big hole in my pocket for the past 3 months... nxt month onwards.. i shall make my money grow money... HAHAHA~

still Haven't start my revision.. awww... feel so stress... afraid i don't have time to study uh. sigh... new year is coming yet i still don't have the mood..... feel very restless n tired recently.. yawn*

s

i

g

h

.

.

.

going bed soon.........

nxt 2 two will be war for me and my family~ chiongggg arhhhhh!!!!! market war :))

2010-02-10T00:45:00.002+08:00

slpt for hours.... but i'm still feeling tired...

had a dream just now...

i dreamt of my cousin got married. he issnt feeling happy about it... like kind of being forced... hmmm... and we attended his wedding dinner. the set up of the wedding layout is quite unique. not round table.. but rectangle. i dont know why.. the ppl who came, is a combination of my friends and my relatives.

hahas.. i don't know why.. i dreamt of the people who i think of this afternoon. my aunt, my cousin... and frens.... lolx.. i think i'm too tired today.

PDT tml.................................... good luck to me... :) i shall turn in early again.. hahas when i just woke up about 3 hours ago... :x

2010-02-09T00:04:00.001+08:00

pain..

tired..

good nite...

arggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg.............. :(

2010-02-08T02:07:00.003+08:00

afraid.. confused.. and Why????

i don't know what is with me...
or issit god's plan?

always at the end of one education.. for example, ending of primary school, ending of secondary... and even now. ending of poly.. i will lose something. don't want to elaborate more on what it is.. but i kind of seeing the routine repeating again n again... :(
getting more and more prepared each time it happens.. be it after Uni.. be it 5 years or 10 years down the road... I'm prepared.

why?? why must i lose ....... . its so hurtful.. things will tend to change after losing ..... .
its no longer the same.. everything will become memories.. everything will be kept as a past.. i really hope this time round it isn't gonna be the same like all my past. =(

I'm so vex.. what is next? what is going to happen? what should i do? i really don't know.. instead... i just know i have to keep myself busy... until the day I'm tired out... until i fall ill... until i found my goal in my life....

i really got to thanks this period of Chinese New Year... it just keep me busy from day till night...
i kind of enjoy this weekend.. without a com.. without fb-ing.. without starring into the space.. I'm busy... I'm preoccupied.... so great~

busy is the only way to keep my mind numb..

2010-02-06T21:02:00.002+08:00

sigh... i dntnoe whatever I'm doing issit right.

i give myself chance to forgive.. but.. it seems like i haven't overcome my own anger and sadness. ;((

i feel shitty.

right now is my study weeks.. haiz.. yet new year is just next week... i doubt i will be enjoying my new year... i think i will be staying home to hug and kiss my notes..... so siann.

i know i have been thinking of what i should do after grad.. but still whenever i got myself to think again!!!~ i will feel so helpless... where should i go? what should i do??? omgg... damn siannnnn.

S-I-G-H... hahahaas.. this four letters make me wanna laugh.. LOLXx... since when i become a sigh girl.. HAHAHAHS
ok.. anw.. still no mood to laugh at myself.. I'm an idiot tooo! freakkk.. cant i have some responsibility toward my working attitude? i put plane again... uhhhh.... feel super bad. but i oso scared to call in to apologise. dumb de me... sigh
tml working.. i think i'll have to get myself ready to face the music....~~~

recently due to Chinese new year... mama n dad kind of putting in their very best to up sell all their goods.. i see le i oso wanna help them.. but with my stupid mood swing character.. i keep giving them attitude when going market to help out. right now.. i shld help them with those packing and stuff... but i'm here blogging... i feel like slapping myself.. make them so tired.. yet i still... uhhh...
bt i super no mood to do things uh.. like rotten me.~
ytd went club with shilin,kaisin n frens.. well at 1st was not in the mood to go.. but it always turn out differently when i step in the club! :))) feel like another me le. HAHAHAHS
hope shilin enjoyed herself.. and i saw a super crazy kaisin last nite... OHHHHH HAd Fun uh! hahas.. :)
picture upload soon. stay tune~

ok la.. super vex... wanna go jog le.. destresssssssssssssssssssssss..... sighhhhh~

2010-02-03T18:18:00.005+08:00

what is right and what is wrong?

now I'm confused..

my mind is not working.. don't feel like caring.. but i know this is very selfish and irresponsible.

sorry.. i don't know what to do to help.. (shilin)
sorry.. i don't know i will make u feel uncomfortable.. (beat)

i mean.. all this happened.. which i don't know issit becoz of me.. i tot i was just being a friend to be a good listener. i tot everything was just that simple.. i admit.. i was too harsh that day.. i seriously don't mean it.. i was too fed up with my sch stuff, my own problem.. and at the same time.. i tot i was supposed to be there to cool down the confusion between both...

i'm sorry ... i forgot exactly what i had sent u that night.. i rmb i was pissed n saying it in a very harsh tone. sorry... actually i don't know what i was saying too. my mind had too many things. being worry for my project... at the same time I'm upset with someone... haiz.. it my bday.. yet.... :( sighh..
but i tot maybe i can help both of you by letting u two meet up.. and talk... sorry...i just simply wish u all will come tgt n talk.. i'm supposed to go home after i let ur meet up.. but i see both of you not talking.. i feel is my fault to pull ur out.. sorry.. shld have let ur decide wat ur want. sigh..

being so not stable to handle my own stuff.. and not knowing what u 2 want.. i made a very rush act. and said things that hurts. I'm so messed up until i didn't think about how you feel. i'm really sorry... haiz.. i kind of regret what i had said to u. though i wanted to just keep u reminded that there shouldn't be a third party when things aren't settle down. that's what i just wanna tell u... i hope you understand.. i clearly know you wasn't having that intention.. but just a reminder that history wont repeat.. coz it hurts and ppl will just think that you are bastard. u understand where I'm coming from? i don't want to stop you from making new frens.. i know its nice to make new fren. bt just happen... it came in the wrong timing again.. sigh...

i mention i side sl.. coz i somehow not knowing what you are doing. i am at wrong as i never ask you properly before saying its your fault. but i just feel that we got to face it and settle everything before we move on. don't cold war le.. den let it go just like that.. like very irresponsible. u understand what i mean?

i can be wrong .. coz i'm not you.. i might not understand how you feel. though i always hear u out.. bt you know yourself better... you can feel extremely pain n hurt... but i can only hear ur pain.. i don't feel it.. u understand what i mean? i'm sorry... i wish no matter what.. we are still that best bud? i feel bad.. i feel sad.. as well as i feel xinku.. when i see you not talking to me like the usual you. i even have such thinking... "should i not talk to shilin.." to let you feel better? but thats not the right way... coz sl just simply want someone to talk to.. and.. i feel pity for her when she have to be alone in sch.. and not having anyone to talk to about her matter... you know that too right?...
however... if you really have this fear.. not having the fullest trust on me.. then.. maybe the both of us shall keep a distance.. i will also not meet sl to ensure you we are just frens... beat.. i don't wish this is what you want too. but... if you aren't sure of urself.. den i will not interfere both of you. let you be alone for awhile den. sorry beat..

as for sl.. i'm sorry too.

i can only be a listening ear.. i'm not good at speaking.. i cannot really speak properly about how i feel when i want to explain something... i will say it till i even contradict myself. haiz..sorry.. i simply hope you can keep calm and stop tearing.. i know u are lost and oso don't know what to do.. but right now... maybe awaiting shall be the best solution... don't be too rush to do anything ok.. sometimes it might just make it worst. i hope whats going to happen is what u wish for. =) jiayou.. and pls!... do eat.. i know u feel like vomiting when u smell food. but if u don't start eating a little... it will get worst! try to eat porridge or soupy stuff..

be strong.. stay cool.. just like how u always tell me to stay happy...... ok!
i know beat still have you dearly in her heart.. not to mention.. this is the 1st time i see her giving her everything into such relationship.. really... i envy your... i hope your will come out with the best solution. i don't wish to interfere le..

"feeling pain in my heart..." I'm sorry to both... i hope we are still friends after all...

ilovemyblog(:

2010-02-02T20:36:00.003+08:00

i love my blog! :)

i love that banner..
i love my little boy...
i love to draw stickMan (:
every line changes a sitckman expression, action and even its posture. its so COoL~

i Love drawingggg~
it kills my boredness and keeps me smiling. (:

searching for interesting activities out there !!! any idea what's so great that i can enjoy and learn at the same time? hee... explore explore explore........... !!!!

2010-02-01T01:30:00.007+08:00

Friday nite~ Fish & Co.
want to thanks these peeps! they make my day. (:

thanks for the plan... .............

updates soon.... i'm tired.... brb~

//20th birthday...

well.. seriously i pity myself that my birthday falls on such hectic period.
its all over submission and projects.. all are fcuking busy and vex about projects.. hahas what i can say is... i don't have a single mood for celebration or even eating my favourite -bday Cake-! sigh........

thanks to all of my friends who wishes me HAPPY BIRTHDAY! reallly.. its so nice to recieve such msg when i'm issn't expecting much for my bday.. yet so many ppl actually care to just simply tag my on facebook and gives their best wishes..:) so nice..

anw... of cos there's still very nice people like BEATRICE LEE KAISIN.. TAN SHILIN- GOH ZHENG YANG! AND OF COZ NOT FORGETING... CJX! HAHAS
they made mine 20th a special one. =)

thanks! i noe i cannot be surprised.. coz i always broke the plan. but i really try not to noe what ur wanna give me. hee sorry... i really appreciate all the things ur plan n got for me..! esp!!!!! the present! lol ur manged to bluff me that its a bed sheet! and i really tot its bedsheet! hee xie xie!
i like the present! i love the ice-cream cake! of coz.... i enjoyed the dinner with u guys @ fish & Co. =)) thankkks a million n billion timesss~

goh zheng Yang!!! u are the one i'm super shocked to see @ fish & Co. hahas
din expect u to join us too.. hee thank you! i want to thanks you for helping me a lot recently.... esp my project! thankkkkkssss... make u have to see those Java codes again when u don't need to. :D also... u rmb! u helped me to send my lappy for service!!?? during my IPP omg.. i wanted to treat u yet... i always forgot abt it....! this time round.. i will make sure i got u a meal or something alright! =) really thank you!

beat,kaisin and sl! u all are always the best!
sigh..I'm really very fortunate to have you ppl ard me.. never fail to make me realise i'm always having your by my side to cheer me up.. console me.. listen to me... etc..... wo zhen de heng gan dong! (: ai si ni meng le. hee thank you..!

lastly.. thanks CJX! u nv forget what i always wanted! a handmade bday card!! hee... i noe u couldn't make it last yr as u were at France... bt this yr u did a really nice n cute bday card for me! some more.... u came all the way to my hs n leave it outside my shoe rack.. (: so sweet la.. haiz i got a real surprise for this one. (: xie xie..

2010-02-01T00:33:00.003+08:00

Happy birthday to me~ (:

thanks CJX..just after i bath... i saw ur SMS.. i saw ur letter.. n i saw ur BIRTHDAY CARD outside my door :)) really surprised me. thanks so much....

20th le.. i'm old.

i wish for a better 2010..

i wish for a better me..

i wish for a better life...

i wish for a better r/s...

i wish everyone around me to be happy and healthy. (:

FINALLY!

2010-01-31T05:33:00.003+08:00

finally I'm done with my project!.. xin an le xu dou... phew~

what a BTCS..
got me 2 sleepless night.
1 whole week of peace-less sleep.
3 weeks of rushing..
1 month of afraid...

3 months of hatred......

well.. is all coming to an end...
issit what we are looking for?? hahas maybe. let this be an unforgetable experience ba :))

oh.... i got to goooo~

market... here i come...
naggy mummm...... i know le~~

how i spent my 20th birthday :)

2010-01-30T02:19:00.003+08:00

why so many unahappy soul recently...

it hurts.. pain in there. :( why cant time turn back to 09.... i miss my life. i miss myself.. i miss my freedom. i miss my happiness.. i miss my everything..

i miss ta...

why .. why can things change just like that.. without a word.. the uncertain of whats happening.. what i should do...? avoid doesn't seems to solve the problem. avoid for years and its still there... ouchh... it hurts me every now and then i'm in pain..
i don't hate.. but i want to know. am i to be blame... am i the one causing it all... am i doing a one man show? wo hai shi xiang bu tong...

duo xi wang wo cong lai bu zhi dao she me shi ai qing.. zhi xi wang wo yao chi he wan le...

2010-01-30T01:22:00.002+08:00

2nd day.... not able to slp..

sigh... i'm tired.. bt my mind tell me i cannot slp!

i scared.........
i cant put those stuff aside just like that... i want to make sure its all working and can be submitted on time n perfectly working well!. sigh..

feel like thats missing things....
wan to faster settle it and count down what i still left undone. well.. too many i think.

today is a mixed feeling of sad n happiness..

i dntnoe why.. whole day~ my mood was super bad and frustrated. damn~~~~~ just feel if i can soak in ice water... also feel like punching.... feel like slapping myself.. feel like starring into the space...

sorry... i'm supposed to post up wat i received from a grp of besties.. I'm sorry.. right now.... i dont feel good to write about happy stuff.. i will put it all on that special day. xie xie ni meng..

i had a chat with some kuku... i know it hurts.. i know how u feel.. i also understand why you will have such feelings too. sigh.. i suggest to let urself cry out loud!!!! cry all you want.. i know this can only help for a short while.. bt its better den keeping it in your heart? feel so pain.... i feel pain too... ouchh*

dnt blog.. nvm... don't write oso nvm... rmb.. u got a mouth! =)) shout it out... cannot bang the wall ok. not only your head will pain.. the wall will feel pain too . :) sorry.. i don't know what i can do for you.. if can i don't mind tell u lame joke everyday. :)) ahaha u will sick of me oso. bt i don't mind try (: jiayou~ ke fu jiu hui hao yi xe... wo xi wang shi zhe yang... =

sigh. 我也很痛苦。伤心。。。why.. xiang qi jiu xiang liu lei.. :..((

2010-01-29T11:34:00.002+08:00

一天没睡觉了。。。

精神好像不太好。 haiz！。。
。。。。。。
我很俄啊！

等一下还要做report... 和 project. sian 一半！！

很累啦！！！！！！！！！！！！“~他麻特！~” ~ sighhh...

画出真爱彩上真请。带动未来。。一起加油吧！（：

2010-01-27T01:59:00.002+08:00

不知不觉。。。我开朗了一些。（：
我很辛庆我有一群了解我的朋友。

就一直会在那支持我（：

still love to have heart to heart talk at times... i feel less burden and less stressful. :) thx Ms Tay hahas... was super tense with all the things coming up to me recently. yet with your much much elaboration and sharing.. i feel much better now. i know its not easy to overcome it in such short period of time.. still will keep trying. (:
thanks onces again.

i lovessssss threesome! hahas
so long since we had lunch tgt.. in sch..
love the feeling of the 3 of us coming together and do things together. (:
thanks Kaisin! thanks for coming down to see us! hahas oso help me in my project. ur 25bucks is worth it. =)) hahas

misses the time when we had lessons together.. eat n have fun together. hahas lesser of such great time le.:/ i believe we will still keep in touch even after we grad right!!!?!

ok.. my eyes are closing... very very low batt right now. tml still got more things for me to solve and do! sigh.. jiayou ba TWH! ahhahs..

kaisin~ work hard! tml will be a great day for u!! be happy to go work uh!!! :)
beast~ haha dnt fan! u always have the most chill and patience character! cannot blow up uh! :)

晚安了。。

2010-01-25T21:25:00.003+08:00

phewww~

我的 Monday finally over le~

one down-
4 days more..

something got me to really think hard.
just before i was about to shut down my lappy and head to sch...
devon ask me a question.
"hey, birthday how you celebrate?"

hmmmmm.... nv even think of it. i don't even remember 31st is round the corner. sigh..
i just wish i could get drank and not think of anything?

no plans.. no expectation. just feel like driving out to get myself some fresh air.
i miss east coast park.. i miss sentosa.. i miss the sun as well as i miss the sea. :)
I'm yearning for the the night life.. i'm yearning for those shots and beers... 可以借酒肖厝吗？

mei mei asked if i'm going out? or celebrating at home？
hahas.. good question. never thought of celebrating. just feel like staying home. tired...

after this week i shall get myself to work more~~~ i need to save up. i need to save for my new phone, and my Burberry wallet! have been saying... but never do it. sigh! after new year! i must get it! i'm going to pamper myself! i shall and i will! :)) 为自己而活了。。

need to plan what i should achieve after my freaky exams! many things in mind now. will get them all done!

project~... here i comeeeeee....

2010-01-25T03:00:00.005+08:00

so silly.. i should have stopped myself long ago..

白痴。。time to find back yourself.
haven't been sleeping early recently... its always in the middle of the night that i will have my mind run wild. i guess this is very comment to many of you. being alone will always led to a little pessimistic.
its not what i want. but memories will carried me away at times. i know i will have to be more self-controlled. trying.. hahas
我应该觉悟了

白色恋人

2010-01-23T21:58:00.005+08:00

白色恋人 ~
Sounds like some drama show?
when i first heard my jie says "ehh i just brought a 白色恋人. faster come and try!"

at first i totally ignore her. what the shit is "白色恋人" ?
I'm BUSY~ don't disturb me!!!~ hahahas

this mystery only solved after i went out of my room to had my dinner.
i saw this super cool wrapping paper. its like some present wrapping! din managed to take a photo of it. sorry~

so while having dinner... jie unwrap that "present" and she keep saying" try this白色恋人. from japan, very nice... and its Expensive Hor!~ diaooo.. always like to emphasize on the expensive part. hahahas anyway... I'm wondering what白色恋人 got to do with very nice to eat?

well.. only then i knew its some chocolate coated with soft soft biscuit :) nice nice!

so jie started distributing to all of us.. the funniest part was... jie just mention it's very soft.. must eat gently... and after jie finished her sentence, cute daddy........ dropped the whole白色恋人on the floor~ =.=" hahahahas
jie's reaction damn big la! she straight away.... PAPAAAAA~!!!!! *action* hitting my dad's arm consecutively. HAHAHAHAHHAS... whole family just laugh out loud~ ;D

cool packaging!

choco and milk choco

it comes with a few range of assorted CHOCOLAT A CR OQUER ET BLANC.

~beat~

hahahas.. so 桥！this morning beat was asking if my sis will be at japan. she mention that there is this choco coated with soft soft biscuit and its VERY NICE!!!!~ hahaahhas... so while I'm eating this 白色恋人 i was thinking if this what beat wanted. TADAH!!! beat! i found it le! hee...

thank you is for you. sorry is also for you...

:)) XIE XIE NI!

有点不一样了(:

2010-01-22T23:15:00.004+08:00

1 more week!

just another 1 more week!!!!

everything will come to an end!

this is so so soooooooo want all of us are waiting for! i rmb tong says"i shall pop champagne on that day!" hahahas... i hope that day shall be our celebration day :)
hope things will turn out to be a success one.

i 've always hate n dread to do my presentation. I'm glad to say! i don't have to memories slides or do research on those stupid assignments ANYMORE!!!! WOAHHH its sooooo damn fcukinggggg COOOL! less 1 burden. FUCKKKKKKKKKKK....
sorrry.. i hope by screaming these **** words i will feel better.

although i still have a final project presentation on 2ND of Feb. nvm lah.. that shall be the FINAL one. done with.....and i will not need to attend any more F**king alien language lessons. phew~

Monday....
another practical test. freakyyy 25% eh! tmd.. this is crazy~! i need to score at least 20% out of 25% pls.. make that practical easy and straight to the point. i need this 25% 老天爷。。拜托！！

Wednesday...
project need to be done. can managed? scared~ will there be another sleepless nights? 天啊！帮帮我。。。。我需要你的帮忙。可以赐我一道正路吗？要不让我失意也不错。哈哈。我就快要风掉了。
有时想想。。。我真不懂我是个怎样的一个人。不要说我emo。可是我真不懂我是个怎样的一个人啊。算了吧。就让我疯疯癫癫怎样过吧！哈哈哈 +D

我要离开了！
1
2
3
4
5
6
后会有7 。。吧。

WANANLE 。

2010-01-20T22:57:00.004+08:00

happen to see this, @ beat's blog.

i wonder if couples do think this way?

i like this~
"you don't leave one another just because you were disappointed"
its true and meaningful... don't you think so? :)

but......in another way..
what if... you choose not to leave and it hurts.
will it be better to choose to leave?

out of random.. this question came to my mind. its kind of contradict me now...
will anyone solve this contradiction?

2010-01-20T03:47:00.002+08:00

time passed so so fast...

just updated a post this morning and right now its midnight!
another new day is about to arrive again... aww...

i'm trying hard now.
i hope all this helps. :)

have been coding seen afternoon. i just cannot believe myself sitting infront of my lappy trying all ways to debug my calculator!! i feel kind of good doing that. it seems tiring.. but it makes me focus and keep my mind away from everything except wanting to get my program run!

i don't know if this is the correct way to not let my mind run wild.. at least right now i got something i want to achieve. just wanna focus on getting my project done on time.
trying my best.

there are more to go..
加油。。

2010-01-19T11:01:00.003+08:00

又是新的一天。

我也变得很没自己的风格了。
就好象在这样过日子。。一天过一天。。

有时都会忘了今天是几号，时间就一分一秒地流失。sigh
这几天我很累，每个早上都不想起床。

我也没有毅力让自己打起精神做我想做的事。懒人一个。

更不用说是过新年。完全没心情。

2010-01-18T09:54:00.003+08:00

又是新的一天，新的星期。

当我睡醒时，突然感觉有点害怕。
有太多太多事要做。时间越来越紧凑。

我真不想起床。=（

心情很乱。到底还要趁多久？

做人到底是为什么而活？
真的是为爱而活吗？
我不服仍，但现在的我是在为什么而活？我真的不知道。。。

现在的我一点都不开心。

human. Why?

2010-01-17T23:31:00.002+08:00

人都是自私的。

活着到底是为了什么？
但他说。。
全都是为了爱而活。

2010-01-15T22:58:00.002+08:00

我很累。

心情很乱。
我到底是个怎样的人？
我是笨蛋吗？我是谁？

到底我要的是什么？
可以告诉我，我到底应该怎么做？？？？？？？？？

2010-01-14T20:52:00.011+08:00

我做错了吗？到底是为什么？
一开始我就做错吗？

跟我说我应该怎么做？为什么突然这么不起眼？为什么突然这么冷漠？

我很烦啊！我很不自在！！！

难道关心也有错？难道想分担一些，听你诉苦也有错吗？我应该怎么做才好？我是不是太过过分了？

还是我不该再去问候你？不再和你联系？不再提到任何有关你的事？我是不是应该让自己消失在你面前？

可是我已经习惯在你身旁莫莫地为你加油。看着你，想着你。。。想你是否过得好吗？想你是不是在开心还是闷闷不乐？

有时候。。。我又想过，在你身旁，我到底是什么? 有没有斗你开心过？有没有认你觉得我能依靠？haiz 我不在意你能不能给我什么，只要你能至少认我听你诉苦。。做你能聊天的对象。就好像你一个好朋友。难道这样也不行吗？

如果是应为我说我喜欢你而让你害怕。。我就向你保证。。。我不会让你为难。我就在这对你说：我TWH不要在对你有感情了，可以吗？

当我是你普通的朋友吧。我会有份纯。如果你要我别在这样对你好，那我就不对你好。不在为你而活。这样可以了吗？

但我还记得，你对我说过：“终有一天你会离开我的”。所以现在就是你要我不再对你好？是这样吗？要我离开？
如果是这样，只要你说：“是”。我也就会默默地离开。不在去找你，不会一直问候你了。如果可以，我也就会消失在你面前。不会让你为难。你也不用想法子避开我了。

那样你会开心吗？你会变得跟坚强吗？

只要你开心，我也就会无怨恨地离开。祝福你幸福快乐。

2010-01-12T22:54:00.004+08:00

just feel like running away..

my mind keep running non-stop.. every minute.. every second...
how i wish i can have a controller to my brain.

if i dislike this period of time... i can just fast forward it.... sigh...

i want to be a great inventor.. a super understanding inventor who can help people like me... create all sort of incredible equipments for us to vent our anger.
get us through all the unhappy, stressful moments.
get all these technologies out to help people like ME! PLEASE...

My 2010. it started off with many uncertainty.
time had just passed like that.
10days passed by.. this is so incredible!

all sort of shitty, miserable, vexed, shagged mood and feelings.
all came in at the beginning of 2010. just what a New Year...

I'm looking for a New Year. seriously... a brand NEW YEAR. what i want to achieve?
i know I'm still figuring. time don't stop for me. that's one thing i hate about living on Earth. baaak!

Very soon.. I'm out there to look for what i really want.
am i right to say that? i got to look for my interest? not to waste time on something i dislike. sigh.. why do we people always wait till we regretted... then we will work harder.
失败是成功之母？but we will be wasting our time and effort when we 失败ah. hmmmmm... ..
做人真累。

2010... I'm 20 le.
i still rmb my dad told me something when i'm 9years old.
”明年你就不再是一个数字了。多出一个号码了！十岁了！长大了。哈哈。。“
so fast... 10years passed...
i'm going to be 20! its"2" now! no longer "1" in front.. omggggg not wanting to say friends around me who are elder than me are old. just.. i wont have a 1 in front of my age le. unless i can live till 100 years old. hahahas this is like 80years later. ("z) krazy!

20... to me is like an adult le.
i always have this thinking when people starts their 20s, they should be out there to earn a living already. :(( one stressful burden we have to carry with us le. 真是的！baahz！！！讨厌。讨厌！！
responsibilities are getting more and more heavy.
i see my parents work so hard everyday.. 我的心很酸。i wish i can faster earn big money everyday... don't want to see them work so hard and tired.. i want to bring them to travel around.. i want them to relax themselves. when can i do that!!!!?

money.....
can u grow more if i count u everyday?
expenses...
can u go lesser if i don't see you?

vivian Tan =))

ilovemyblog(:

FINALLY!

画出真爱 彩上真请。带动未来。。 一起加油吧！（：

白色恋人

human. Why?

画出真爱彩上真请。带动未来。。一起加油吧！（：